In the early hours of September 16, 2022, my dear mother-in-law
Mary Ford finally let go. Five years ago, Mary was diagnosed with metastatic cancer
and the diagnosis was grim. Because she was in her 80’s surgery was considered
too risky, and chemotherapy was unlikely to be effective.
Undaunted, Mary agreed to ovarian surgery where the cancer
originated. Then she began a multi-year process of chemotherapy to fight the
dreaded disease. During this time, Mary never complained as she tolerated the
treatments, and remained upbeat as her faith and love of her family sustained
her. Over the five years of battles and increasing immobility, she courageously
fought until nature eventually won out.
She had been battle-tested in her life, and maybe that pushed
her to never give up and fight on the best
she could. She married her husband
Robert, Sr. in Sioux City Iowa—her birthplace—at a young age while he served in
the Air Force. Originally, Robert was from the Canton neighborhood of
Baltimore, and not long after the birth of her first child, Robert, Jr. who
eventually became my husband, the new family moved back to Canton. The family
grew.
Her husband suffered from health issues stemming from a rare
blood disease and died prematurely at the age of 42 in 1978 leaving Mary to
raise her six children (five boys and a girl). Then tragedy struck again later
that year when the second born, William (Billy), was killed in a pedestrian accident at
the age of 20.
These unspeakable, horrific events shook the family to its
core. Mary, with her inner strength and guided by her Catholic faith, persevered
and kept the family together through all the ups and downs that ensued.
I first met Mary in 1980 a couple of months after I began dating
Bob. We were both in the closet and had no thirst for coming out to his family.
Initially, I was introduced as Bob’s “roommate,” a ruse that was unlikely to be
sustainable. Eventually, I wanted us to come out but understood that Mary,
being a devout Catholic, and Bob's siblings with a conservative bent, in my view,
may not be receptive. You know, you have to be able to read the room. So,
nothing was ever said publicly about our relationship.
But it wasn’t really necessary as they figured it out, and
apparently, they were all fine with it. Some time ago, there was a visit to D.C.
by Mary’s niece Kathy and other family members from Iowa. I had asked her if
Mary and her children knew the story about Bob and me. She replied without any
hesitation, “They know. They ALL know!”
I was surprised to hear that but at the same time relieved
that the “conversation” didn’t have to take place. But most importantly, it never mattered. All
along, I had been invited to all family functions, gatherings, holidays,
weddings and dinners as if I were one of their own. I had been taken in by Mary
and her children as well as the extended family, and Bob and I couldn’t have
been happier about the situation. Her
children and grandchildren have been most supportive of us, which I will forever
be appreciative. And Mary led the way.
Mary was my mother-in-law even before Bob and I legally
married in 2009. We did a lot together and shared so many fond memories. We
enjoyed going out to restaurants and had her over for cookouts. She admired
looking at the flowers in our yard until deer and rabbits destroyed them.
With her Iowa roots, Mary loved country-style items and
atmosphere, so we visited craft shows from Baltimore to West Virginia. Family-style
restaurants like Friendly Farms in Upperco, Md. suited her fine, and she enjoyed
the Apple Festival in Pennsylvania. I will never forget how Mary had a
wonderful time seeing the musical Annie
at the Mechanic Theatre.
As Bob had become increasingly involved in antique bottle
collecting, Mary, too, developed an interest in the hobby. She attended a
meeting of the Baltimore Antique Bottle Club when I was president at the time,
and she, with her sons Brian and Michael as well as her granddaughter Kristen
attended a few of our shows in Essex, Md. that the club produced. She even
joined us on a bus trip to Bethlehem, Pa. to attend a bottle show there.
For her 80th birthday, the family came in from
Iowa and New Jersey to Baltimore to take Mary on a ride on a train from the
B&O Museum. I forgot whose idea this was, but it was a stroke of genius; she
loved trains because her father worked on the railroad. As the ride proceeded, Bob
and I led the family in a rendition of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad” from
which her smile was a wide as the tracks.
I’ve said this to folks attending Mary’s viewing, and it is
very true. How many people can say they have known someone for over 40 years
and never once had an argument or spat? I cannot recall ever having such a
moment with her. Mary never cussed, was always a lady, and treated people with
kindness and love. I continually tried to make her laugh and she expected it. Her laughter and smile were infectious. In
short, she was a gentle, loving soul with a wonderful sense of humor.
She particularly loved her children and their spouses and
partner, six grandchildren and six great grandchildren. They provided her with
the strength and resolve to live despite her deteriorating health.
The last time I had seen Mary was a couple of weeks ago at
her house. She was very weak and in considerable discomfort as she laid on her
bed on the ground floor. Upon departing I blew her a kiss from the door. To my
amazement, she slightly rose and blew the kiss back. That gesture will always be etched in my
memory.
Mary was laid to rest on September 20, the day she would
have turned 87. Indeed, the circle of life.
Her obituary is shown here.
