Four Decades Along the Rainbow Road

A look back at my work with the LGBTQ community.

I first became active in the gay rights movement in 1980 when I launched my LGBTQ journalism career. It was very clear to me that religion-inspired discrimination was not the only problem facing our community. That and the prevalence of hatred, violence and marginalization that exist even today got my attention.

While considerable progress was achieved over these four decades, much work still needs to be done regarding such areas as LGBTQ-related suicides, bullying of LGBTQ youth, foster care injustices, LGBTQ youth homelessness, violence directed at transgender individuals and other members of our community, discrimination against and harassment of the aging LGBTQ population, combating HIV/AIDS, among other issues.

Then there are problems stemming from inside the community. Racism is a significant concern. Divisions within the LGBTQ components are also palpable. I’ve always maintained and still do that we can never advance unless we are united. That is our number one challenge as we face a hostile president, a hostile vice president, a hostile attorney general, virtually all Republican members of Congress and potentially a hostile U.S. Supreme Court. 

Another challenge impeding progress has been a prevailing degree of apathy within our own community. My mission has been to educate those who are apathetic so that they understand the issues that affect them and help motivate these folks to be more engaged. Those who were and are currently active in these efforts still need to be informed so that they can be more effective in their activism.

Moreover, I have endeavored to shed light on those topics that have been relegated to the background, not covered in the mainstream media and not apparent to the average LGBTQ individual. 

I took on this journey for little or no monetary compensation to engage our community as well as our straight counterparts through Journalism, Activism and Education.  These areas are discussed below.

JOURNALISM

Over these four decades I had written well over 2,000 articles covering a wide swath of subjects

Fromer Equality Maryland Executive Director
Dan Furmansky addressing media outside Maryland Court
of Appeals following arguments on marriage equality

including hard news, commentary, the gut-wrenching struggle for marriage equality and transgender rights, politics all levels, a host of rallies and demonstrations, the all-too-sad vigils for fallen members of our community, culture, books, theatre, art, television, sports, travel, antiques and other areas as they pertain to or of special interest to members of our community.

I was an editor of the Baltimore Gay Paper, a subsidiary of the then Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Baltimore (now called The Pride Center of Maryland), and co-chair of the Newspaper Committee. Later, I became the Senior Political Analyst, Managing Editor and Local News Editor for Baltimore OUTloud. For a decade I was an opinion writer and ultimately wrote a weekly summary of LGBTQ news involving Baltimore and its surrounding suburbs for the Washington Blade—the oldest LGBTQ newspaper in the country and considered by many as “the paper of record.” I also provided a local news summary to Gay Life prior to its cessation.

Through this period I was an eyewitness to many of the significant developments with respect to LGBTQ matters—good and bad—on the national and local scenes. I spotlighted individuals and LGBTQ organizations that were instrumental in the growth of our community and who did good deeds. 

I have written about the unique issues facing bisexual individuals who rightly feel left behind. Accordingly,  I tried to publicize support groups that service the bisexual community. 

I also attempted to hold individuals and organizations accountable through my opinion-oriented OUTspoken column that was initiated while at Baltimore OUTloud and continues on this blog  today. My belief is that if organizations seek donations from our community, its leaders and governing bodies must be held accountable as to the manner in which resources are spent and safeguarded. At the same time, I made every effort to publicize and promote these organizations’ fundraisers, events and programs believing that the success of LGBTQ organizations only strengthens our community.

Sen President Mike Miller, Governor Martin O'Malley
and House of Delegates Speaker Michel Busch
at historic signing of marriage equality into law

While I covered the standard LGBTQ news, such as crime, gay bar openings and closings, many local Pride celebrations, key legislation at the national, state and local levels, dozens of published interviews of LGBTQ leaders and personalities as well as other newsworthy developments, I also reported on and written stories that I believe produced tangible, consequential results.

Examples:

♦ There was a story on three members of the Maryland House of Delegates who backed an amendment to the state constitution that would bar same-sex marriage. That by itself is not shocking. However, these three represented a district that includes Charles Village and surrounding neighborhoods that comprise the highest density of LGBTQ persons in the state, and their opposition was largely unknown to their LGBTQ constituents. 

One of these delegates, through an on-the-record interview with me, cited religious beliefs. Another claimed “gays were never helpful to me.” When the story was published on the front page of Baltimore OUTloud, I was told that their offices received a high volume of calls complaining about their stances. While one passed away prior to the legislature taking up marriage equality, the other two reversed their positions.

♦ Another story titled “Bodies for Bucks” focused on the police crackdown on male prostitutes and their “johns” in the Patterson Park area of Baltimore. With the help of a local attorney, I emphasized the legal jeopardy and physical dangers posed by this activity. Eventually, the hustling scene abated in this area and relationships between gays and the principal local community association improved significantly.

♦ In an investigative report, I had written about the homelessness crisis in Baltimore involving LGBTQ individuals. This group constituted a disproportionate share of the overall homeless and runaway population in the city with transgender individuals comprising an even more disproportionate share. 

The physical safety and health of these individuals are at risk as is the need to engage in criminal activity just to survive while the exposure to being victims of crime increased. This story may have had an indirect impact on the eventual establishment by AIRS/HOME of an apartment facility called Restoration Gardens in northwest Baltimore that houses homeless LGBTQ individuals.

♦ Then there were stories concerning open LGBT individuals who were running for office. Principal among these were Mary Washington who is now a State Senator and is a candidate for Mayor of Baltimore and was the first openly LGBT African-American elected official in Maryland and only the second such state legislator in the country; Luke Clippinger who is a State Delegate; and Byron Macfarlane who, when elected as Howard County Register of Wills, became the first openly LGBTQ person to be elected in Howard County.

The first legal same-sex marriages officiated at City Hall
on New Year's Day 2013

Each of these was profiled in front page coverage of their nascent candidacies in Baltimore OUTloud and have acknowledged that the stories helped galvanize support, monetary contributions and volunteers from our community for their ultimately successful campaigns. 

♦ Another was the revelation that the Harford County public school system in 2010 blocked LGBT websites from the schools’ computers. Public outrage resulting from this article led to the school board backing down.

♦ A report for the Washington Blade indicated that two individuals were attacked and robbed by a person using Grindr to lure them to a particular location in Baltimore. The article served notice to users of Grindr to be extra cautious in arranging liaisons.

♦ More recently and over a two year period, I wrote a half dozen articles on the emergence and progress of the first Pride celebration to take place in Howard County (HoCo Pride) as well as a media advisory and press release while being a member of the Pride Planning Committee. Clearly, the surprisingly large attendance at the first such event in 2019 was boosted by the publicity gained by these articles.

Other Highlights:

♦ Covering the historic signing ceremony in Annapolis after the bill legalizing same-sex marriage was passed the Maryland State General Assembly.

♦ Covering the first ever legal same-sex marriages in the state that took place in Baltimore City Hall.

♦ There was my story, also published in Outsports.com, about former Duke University basketball star JJ Reddick who was erroneously perceived as gay by some fans and how he, a devout Christian, handled that pressure.

♦ Covering the announcement of the closing of Baltimore’s iconic gay bar, the Club Hippo, as well as reporting on the establishment’s final events.

♦ Conducting an exclusive interview of a bartender who was on duty the night the Stonewall Inn was raided and whose account comports with more recent historical research.

♦ Breaking a story of an incident that took place in M&T Banks Stadium at a Ravens game in 2010 where two lesbians were ejected from the stadium because of what they believe was a result of kissing. The official explanation from security hired by the Ravens’ organization was that one of the members of the couple was accused of pilfering an empty paper cup at a concession stand. This explanation defied credulity, and the story received wide local and even national media attention.

♦ Writing about the emergence of a new LGBTQ community center in Frederick, Md. called The Frederick Center and highlighting its mission and how well the group is organized. While TFC does not have a dedicated physical space for their operations, they have managed to provide key programs for the LGBTQ community in and around Frederick and have demonstrated exceptional partnering with business leaders and government officials on many projects and goals.

♦ Exclusive coverage of several BMore Proud Leadership conferences whereby LGBTQ college students and allies from the Baltimore area convene to participate in workshops, listen to addresses by leaders and discuss common issues.

ACTIVISM

Participating in demonstration against homophobic
Westboro Baptist Church who was protesting near
Towson University

A prevailing rule is that either you are a journalist or an activist but you can’t be both. I ignored this rule as the times and issues dictated that direct action must be taken. There is no substitute for being on the front lines to fight for a cause.

Most of my activism occurred along with my partner who eventually became my spouse as member s of the PFLAG-Howard County chapter. While I was the chapter’s media coordinator and a member of the Steering Committee for several years, we were also members of the organization’s Advocacy Committee. My efforts focused largely on the quest to achieve marriage equality and codifying protections based on gender identity in Maryland.

Members of this committee engaged in discussions with local elected officials from both political parties. We told our stories and explained why marriage equality will not undermine the institution of marriage; in fact, it would strengthen it. Many of these politicians were sympathetic to the cause in that their hearts were with us, but some were hesitant because of the potential political risk it may cause. This was explicitly apparent during a one-on-one meeting I had with a U.S. Representative.

Appearing on the late Dennis Lane's (l.) podcast

Over time, and as we continued to share our stories and make strong arguments, most came around, and some emerged as strong vocal advocates. We were most appreciative of their evolution.

To bolster this effort, I participated in and covered just about all of the Lobby Day rallies and discussions with lawmakers in Annapolis that were organized by Equality Maryland.

I had testified on marriage equality before the Howard County delegation during a hearing on pending bills in the General Assembly and testified at a House of Delegates committee hearing on the same subject. I also appeared on a local podcast in 2011 hosted by the late Dennis Lane extolling the virtues of marriage equality just prior to a new General Assembly that was about to begin.

During the period the law that legalized same-sex marriage was challenged by a referendum, I participated in numerous rallies, fundraisers and events, most notably in an effort called the “Light Brigade.” This is where a bunch of us—mostly PFLAG members and supporters—held up lit panels with each representing a letter to spell out messages like “Vote Yes on (Question) 6” at overpasses and intersections in various areas of Maryland.

Still believing that the pen is mightier than the sword, I have written numerous letters to the editor on a variety of subjects related to the LGBTQ community. They were published in the Howard County Times/Columbia Flier, the City Paper, the Baltimore Sun, the Washington Post, USA Today, and TIME.  In addition, I wrote articles for The Business Monthly that highlighted the work of PFLAG.

I served on the previous County Executive’s LGBTQ Round Table and represented the LGBTQ community in the #OneHoward committee. In the latter capacity, I analyzed the county’s Master Aging Plan noting the absence of LGBTQ-specific issues regarding the aging population and, accordingly, no remedies to deal with those concerns.

EDUCATION

Presenting at BMore Proud Conference at JHU

My involvement with PFLAG has enabled me to help educate the community through coordinating a variety of programs for the chapter’s general monthly meetings. Among those I coordinated or led included a panel discussion on the intersection of Black and Gay; talks by the editors of the Washington Blade;  a panel on “Expanding Rainbow Families”; a discussion on ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’; Authors Night whereby LGBT authors discussed their latest works; and a panel on LGBT Homelessness.

As a member of PFLAG’s Speakers Bureau, I made presentations at Howard County government Diversity Day events, spoke at the Kennedy Krieger Institute, and spoke to employees at the Carroll County Times.  

I represented PFLAG at the GLSEN Youth Summit in Towson and the Howard County Leadership U, the Youth Development Coalition, Employment Day at Oakland Mills H.S. and Breaking the Silence Youth Summit.

Other speaking events:

♦ Addressed National Honor Society  students at a River Hill H.S. and students at Centennial H.S. on Diversity Day.

♦ Spoke at Baltimore City Community College, which was hosting a conference of statewide human resources managers.

Presenting at the GLSEN Youth Summit

♦ Made a presentation to Baltimore City 9^th grade history teachers at a diversity conference at Baltimore Polytechnic Institute.

♦ Participated with Equality Maryland staff to educate WMAR personnel on acceptable terminology in covering LGBT news.

♦ Appeared on a BlogTalkRadio program,

♦ On multiple occasions spoke before the Prime Timers of Baltimore.

♦ Presented at several collegiate BMore Proud conferences at Johns Hopkins University, U.M.B.C. and Stevenson University principally on the topic of how best to utilize the media to advocate on issues of interest and the role of and need for the LGBTQ press.

♦ Participated on numerous panels on LGBTQ issues. 

_______________________

My journey down the rainbow road has been, like most roads, smooth at times but also fraught with obstacles, potholes and detours. It has been worth it, however, and the main constant has been that my husband Bob Ford has been by my side with unrelenting support and attempted, with varying degrees of success, to keep me out of trouble. The journey continues.

________________________

As a postscript, I want to point out that I have written non-LGBTQ articles for other publications and sites.  They include:

♦ Writing about antiques in The Jeffersonian.

♦ Writing on a variety of subjects in The Business Monthly, such as eco-friendly and "green" building construction in Howard County,  the advent of women entrepreneurs, the emerging attention to financial literacy and others.

♦ Political commentary in JMore Magazine.  

♦ Theatre reviews for MD Theatre Guide, DC Theatre Scene and this blog.

Howard Co. High School Students to Hold First Rainbow Conference

In June Howard County successfully held its first ever LGBTQ+ Pride whereby an estimated 10,000 people joined in the celebration. In 2020, the first ever Rainbow Conference for LGBTQIA+ students, parents, Howard County Public School System staff, community members and allies is scheduled for May 15 at Hammond High School.

According to the event’s website , “The Rainbow Conference came about as…an idea that arose from a need to connect with others who share a similar story, similar values, and a similar struggle. It is our hope that this first Rainbow Conference is the first of many conferences of its kind in our school system.”  This idea ostensibly originated from students and staff at Hammond H.S.

The conference will take place from Noon to 4 p.m. on May 15 and will include three concurrent workshop sessions. While some presenters have already been lined up, there is an opportunity for others to lead a concurrent session. Broadly, the topics may include literary focus, self-awareness, creative expression, activism, health curriculum and instruction and others. Those who may be interested in being a presenter should visit the Contact link of the website and complete the form.  

Planners are also seeking sponsors to cover the costs of the conference. If interested, please complete the Rainbow Conference Donation Form.

To request a table at the Exhibition Hall, the form to complete is here. 

Openly gay Mikah Meyer has already been selected as the Keynote Speaker.  He traveled on a record-breaking 3-year road trip to all 419 National Park Service sites making him the first to experience all those parks in a single journey.  For good measure, he took photos with the Pride flag at each of the sites.

In addition, there will be a literary component of the conference called Rainbow Vision 2020. Students who are currently attending a Howard County high school are encouraged to submit original art, poetry, essay or story on such matters as being an LGBTQIA+ teen or ally.  Selected submissions will be part of a countywide literary magazine, which will be distributed at the conference. The rules and methods for making a submission are included here. 

“The HoCo Rainbow Conference is going to be a great opportunity for members of the LGBTQ community in Howard County schools to come together to share experiences, show their unity, and continue to advocate for inclusive, accepting, and supportive school environment for all,” says PFLAG-Columbia Howard County President Max Crownover. “Our chapter is excited to be able to support the efforts of the conference’s planners.”

Adds local librarian Sarah Cooke, who is a scheduled presenter at the conference on the topic of LGBTQ+ authors and/or characters in a variety of genres:  “Having this conference in HoCo is significant on so many levels. First and foremost it shows our LGBTQ+ students that we see them, we love them and we support them.  Representation and visibility is so important, as is more education of our history and the celebration and respect for the LGBTQ+ community.”

Indeed, bringing high school students together to learn about issues that affect them and network with others is a positive and needed step.  LGBTQIA+ teens nationally continue to be bullied and harassed in schools and online. 

According to GLSEN’s 2018 National Schools Climate Survey  the environment for such students has not improved. In one key finding, the vast majority of LGBTQ students (87.3%) in 2017 experienced harassment or assault based on personal characteristics, including sexual orientation, gender expression, gender, religion, race and ethnicity, and disability. Seven in ten LGBTQ students (70.1%) experienced verbal harassment at school based on sexual orientation, more than half based on gender expression (59.1%) or gender (53.2%).

“This report should serve as an alarm bell for advocates and a call to action for anyone who cares about students’ wellbeing,” said Eliza Byard, GLSEN Executive Director. 

“Fortunately, the evidence continues to show that key interventions are working to improve students’ lives. We must continue to push to see them implemented in more schools, and support students who are organizing to improve their communities. LGBTQ-affirming supports in our schools reduce violence, improve academic achievement, and help save lives. Who wouldn’t want LGBTQ youth to feel safe and do better in schools?”

The upcoming Rainbow Conference is akin to the recent “B’More Proud” series of conferences at the collegiate level involving Baltimore area colleges and universities. This inaugural conference of high school students in Howard County is similarly on the right path to success.

As additional information about the Rainbow Conference becomes available, I will provide updates. You can also email pride@hcpss.org or follow the Rainbow Conference on Instagram @hcpss_pride. 

__________________

UPDATE: This post was published last July. Since then the coronavirus and its stay-at-home mandate has altered the logistics of the conference. But it will go on regardless even if it will be a virtual event. For more information about signing up for the seminars and workshops, visit https://sites.google.com/hcpss.org/hcpssrainbowconference/home?authuser=0

LGBTQ Orgs Must Cope with New Tax Law

Image from Watermark Online

From food banks to churches to cancer research to LGBTQ organizations, the recently passed tax bill that was signed into law by President Donald Trump poses new financial challenges to non-profits that depend heavily on individual contributions. 

By increasing the standard deduction from $6,350 to $12,000 for individuals and from $12,700 to $24,000 for couples, an estimated 33 million more people will choose the standard deduction over itemizing on their 2018 tax returns than they did in 2017.  For those who will not itemize, charitable contributions will no longer be written off.

Tim Delaney, CEO of the National Council of Nonprofits,  told NBC News   that several aspects of the plan are “disastrous” for the sector as a whole and cited estimates from the Tax Policy Center that the plan could result in $13 billion in lost revenue for nonprofits and more than 220,000 lost jobs.

Many LGBTQ groups are registered with the IRS as 501(c) (3) organizations, meaning that donations to these nonprofits are tax deductible and will continue to be so—except for those taxpayers opting for the standard deduction.  However, since the election of Trump, organizations have reported contributions from larger donors, which may mitigate potential losses.

A recent report by the LGBTQ think tank Movement Advancement Project found 39 of the leading LGBTQ organizations in the U.S. brought in $230 million dollars in revenue 2016, with more than 80 percent of the money going to 501(c)(3) organizations.

Individual contributions accounted for 35 percent of those organizations’ revenue, and the vast majority of individual donors (94 percent) were small donors who gave less than $1,000. These small donors are the ones who would most likely be disincentivized to donate by the doubling of the standard deduction, explains Delaney.

It is not only the mere election of Trump that has motivated donors but also his specific policies and actions, such as his attempt to ban transgender service members riled the LGBTQ community and allies. 

Matt Thorn, the executive director of the LGBTQ advocacy nonprofit OutServe-SLDN , told NBC News that tax incentives were the biggest drivers of donations but notes a shift.  “This year, in this climate, a lot of it has to do with the work we are doing. People are really generating their gifts based on the causes.”

To be sure, persuading donors to contribute based on the mission of the organization has always been the centerpiece of fundraising drives. The tax incentives added to the appeal. 

Now LGBTQ nonprofits (as well as nonprofits in general) must double-down their focus on mission-centric messaging to attract smaller donors.  Many LGBTQ organizations have seen a falloff in donations (and interest) once marriage equality was achieved, which created another challenge for these entities. 

There is so much more work remaining that is seemingly under the radar because these issues aren’t as glamorous as marriage equality.  Continued discrimination against LGBTQ people, homelessness among LGBTQ individuals, violence against members of the community particularly transgender individuals, bullying in schools, inequality in the juvenile justice and foster care systems, increase in hate crimes since the election of Trump, HIV/AIDS prevention and treatment—the list is long and daunting.

LGBTQ nonprofits provide vital services to their clients, especially marginalized populations and will require the funds to keep these programs running.  There will be more demand on these organizations because of a burgeoning LGBTQ youth population as well as a sharp increase in the number of LGBTQ elders—both groups depending on client-based services.  Communicating the organization’s mission and the rationale for the funds are essential to tackle the ongoing challenges.

Locally as well as nationally, LGBTQ nonprofits must strategize on how to mitigate the loss of individual contributions resulting from the new tax law.  Again, the mission must be the focus of any fundraising appeal.

Though it declined to specifically comment for this article, FreeState Justice announced in November the launch of the Maryland LGBTQ Legal Defense Fund to provide free legal services to those facing discrimination who could not otherwise afford representation.  

“The Maryland LGBTQ community continues to face troubling attacks and policies from the current federal administration,” FreeState Justice’s fundraising letter stated.

Tax Cuts and Jobs Act signed by President Trump

“We are not immune from the rescinding of guidelines protecting transgender students, condoning bigotry masked as religious belief, advocating in favor of discrimination in court, and targeting transgender service members.  Now is the time for our community to come together to confront vitriolic national rhetoric and defend equality in our state.  With the launch of this Fund, FreeState Justice is fighting back.”

Max Crownover, the new chapter president of PFLAG-Howard County,  agrees that the emphasis must be on the mission. 

“The message and the motivation has to be on the intangibles rather than the individual's tax benefit,” Crownover says.  “In the current sociopolitical climate, I believe PFLAG can convince like-minded people that contributing makes a difference—not just for the LGBTQ community, but also for our whole community and society. We are also working hard to make that difference very visible. With that in mind, we have kicked off a strategic planning initiative to identify how we can have a more significant impact in Columbia, Howard County, and beyond.”

Others see this tax law and other dangerous policies by the Trump administration potentially harmful to LGBTQ youth.

“We know that lower income households may lose the incentive to give if they can no longer write-off their donation,” says Jabari Lyles, executive director of GLSEN Maryland. 

“We do not expect the benefits of the tax breaks given to high income households and large corporations to ‘trickle down’ to us, as it has never trickled down to anyone. This could mean job losses or weakened programmatic impact.”

Lyles adds, “We are hopeful our supporters will continue to give due to the dire nature of our work and especially in response to the dangerous decisions this administration makes regarding LGBTQ youth.”

A Misfire Saved and Changed Josh Deese’s Life

At a recent meeting of the Howard County chapter of PFLAG, a handsome young man named Josh Deese, who was celebrating his 21^st birthday, introduced a short film named Trevor.  The movie described how a gay youth named Trevor had been bullied to the point of suicide but then recovered to live, hopefully, a better life. 

Among the audience at this screening were a couple of dozen of members of the chapter’s Rainbow Youth and Allies group, ages 14-22.  The normally energetic youths sat riveted in stone silence throughout both the film and Josh Deese’s powerful post-film discussion that described a similar path he himself traveled and how it ultimately led him to be a compelling spokesman for The Trevor Project— the nation’s leading LGBTQ youth suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization.  Most young people who turn 21 go out partying to celebrate; Josh decided to help educate the community.

Josh’s life has been anything but easy.  Openly gay, he grew up in a small town in South Florida called Clewiston with all of its Southern charm hovering over the town’s sugar cane, orange farms and alligators.  “Clewiston is every Southern boy’s dream – if he were straight,” says Josh.

His parents were of modest means living in a 2-bedroom mobile home where he shared a twin-size bed with his little brother.  He was always treated differently beginning with elementary school.  Josh watched CNN in the 2^nd grade, read newspapers and followed the 2004 Presidential election hoping to impress his teachers.  His friends traveled a different road, and the differences between Josh and them were beginning to widen.

“In middle school, I was treated differently because I was the kid who everyone thought was gay,” Josh recalls. “The teases and insults turned to slight shoves and slaps. Eventually, it got worse. The school administration never did anything to those responsible. I remember crying to my father in 8^th grade asking ‘Why? Why don’t those kids get in trouble?’” He looked at me and ultimately said, ‘Well, that’s just how the world works. They’re at the top, and we’re not.’ Then he said something that really stuck: ‘But you can be… you can be. And one day, you will be.’”

As the only openly gay student in high school, he was known as “Josh, the faggot.” “Not “a faggot,” but THE faggot,” he emphasizes. School life was filled with isolation and fear. “From the members of my wrestling team, who hazed me intensely in an effort to get me to quit the team, to the rest of my peers, who threw insults, as well as punches.”

Josh was constantly taunted, books were slammed out of his hands in the hallway, and he was shoved into lockers.  All the usual epithets were hurled at him.

After staying after class one day to speak with his English teacher,  he decided to take a shortcut home and noticed three guys following him.  He tried to move faster but it was too late. 

“A swift yank from a strap of my backpack and a stinging smack to the face knocked me to the ground. No one was there to help me. The three guys punched, kicked, and slammed me. I recognized one of them – a boy on my wrestling team; someone I trusted and confided in. ‘Deese,’ he said, calling me by my last name, ‘I’m sorry man, but we’re doing you a favor,’ he concluded, as he kicked me square in the gut. I got up, bloodied and bruised, and limped my way back home.

“My parents were furious. My father wanted blood. My mother just wanted the violence to end. My nose was fractured, my jaw bone suffered injury, and I had a busted lip – a hearty reward for the boy who just wanted a friend.”

Josh had begun looking for resources for LGBTQ youth on Google. He found The Trevor Project, which has a website full of resources and tips. “They had a 24-hour lifeline that LGBTQ youth could call if things ever got too tough and an awesome website – TrevorSpace – a social networking site, where LGBTQ youth from all around the world could talk to each other.”

He created a TrevorSpace account and began speaking to some of the first gay guys who he ever had interacted with. “It was refreshing to see so much diversity on the coming out spectrum. People on this site made me feel accepted, safe and happy.”

Through this site he made some friends. “I even found a boyfriend: a beautiful boy named Kyle. He was from Missouri. His parents were Baptist preachers. His beautiful blonde hair, radiant blue eyes and gorgeous white smile had taken me aback. I was in love. WE were in love.”

After a month of chatting on Skype, Josh and Kyle began dating.  They talked about their dreams of being together.  “Kyle suddenly went missing,” Josh says.  Over three weeks later Kyle’s sister contacted Josh to tell him that their father found out about Josh and discovered gay porn on Kyle’s laptop.  They were forbidden to speak to one another and Kyle was sent to a gay-reversion clinic.

“Three months later, I received a message on Facebook.  It was Kyle – he was back. I remember quickly rushing through my computer to get to Skype, so I could see his beautiful face again. My eager excitement turned to worry and deep concern. For the next few weeks that we talked, he wasn’t the same anymore. He wasn’t smiling anymore. His voice was monotone. His eyes looked sad and empty.”

After exchanging goodnight kisses through the webcam, Josh never heard from Kyle again.  The friend who had introduced them on TrevorSpace messaged Josh.  He asked if Josh was OK and asked him if he heard about Kyle. The friend attached a newspaper article from the Internet that indicated Kyle had hung himself.

“This beautiful boy felt so upset and hated and depraved by his parents, that he felt the only way out was to take his life. I lost it – I cried uncontrollably and felt hopeless. I didn’t know what to do,” Josh recalls.

“The next few days went by like a blur. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted to be happy.  My parents didn’t understand me, I didn’t have any friends, and the first love of my life was gone. I had nothing else to live for. So I planned, and I waited.”

Since Josh’s father was a police officer, there were many guns in his house.  One evening when he was alone, Josh went to his parents’ room and took his father’s service pistol back to his bedroom.

“I sat on the bed, holding the gun, and began to cry. This is what my life had become: one of sadness, and sorrow, and fear. I put the gun to my right temple, counted to three, closed my eyes, and squeezed the trigger. My eyes still closed, I thought, ‘Is this death? I didn’t feel a thing.’ I opened my eyes, and saw that I was still in my room. No pain. No blood. No bang. I was alive. It appeared that the gun was loaded, but the firing pin didn’t strike the bullet properly – crazy odds.”

He put the gun down and began to cry again. “There had to be a better way to solve this… a safer, more peaceful resolution. I began to think and that’s when it hit me – The Trevor Project. I called the lifeline and was relieved to find a warm, caring voice on the other end of the line. His name was Adam who was a counselor for The Trevor Project. I told him about everything that had happened in my life and why I felt the way I did. He was supportive, caring, and accepting. He assured me that my life was full of value and meaning. He made me feel special and significant.”

"There had to be a better way to solve this… a safer, more peaceful resolution."

Josh continued to call the lifeline for the next few months and began his road to recovery. “It was around this time where I was approached by a friend I had met on TrevorSpace, who told me that The Trevor Project was looking for LGBTQ youth who had leadership potential to join a special youth council. I applied and was accepted.”

He persuaded his parents to allow him to fly to Los Angeles to attend his first Trevor Project training. “I spent the weekend meeting with a group of LGBTQ high school and college students who had also been admitted to The Trevor Project Youth Advisory Council. We shared experiences and stories with each other, gave each other advice, and allowed each other to grow.”

Josh learned LGBTQ 101, the basics of sex and gender, suicide prevention and crisis intervention strategies, as well as more background information on The Trevor Project’s programs and services. He was able to take all of the information that he had learned back home to Florida and did what he was taught to do: educate.

“I started with my parents. Now, they had never disagreed with me, they just didn’t understand – and who would, in a small town where no one talks about sexuality and gender? I explained the basics of LGBTQ 101 and it all began to fall into place. My parents understood and were full of questions, which I happily answered.”

Josh is proud and grateful for his family’s support along his journey.  His success with his parents led him to take that experience to school.  “People started to understand. People started to accept me. This was the first time where I had finally met some actual friends, in the flesh, who wanted to actively participate in my life. What my Youth Advisory Council advisor told me was true, ‘Education trumps ignorance.’ This is when I began my journey as an activist for LGBTQ rights, suicide prevention, and mental health awareness.”

Josh found his final two years of high school to be amazing.  He had friends, boyfriends, and many fun experiences.

At his graduation, Josh  presented his last act of defiance by “doing the Cat Daddy” next to his principal, and walked off a proud graduate of Clewiston High School’s Class of 2012.  “One month later, I’d be on a plane to Washington, D.C., starting my new journey as a freshman at the University of Maryland, to pursue my passion for politics and public service.”

Josh found the past two years in the D.C. area to be both rewarding and challenging.  His work with The Trevor Project allows him to speak at events and fundraisers, meeting Members of Congress, sharing his story and  explaining the importance of legislation that would benefit and increase LGBTQ education and life-affirming services to LGBTQ youth everywhere.

“I’ve had the privilege of being invited to the White House and working with President Obama’s staff to discuss important initiatives and programs for LGBTQ people. I was also humbled last year to win The Washington Blade’s Best of Gay D.C. Award for Most Committed Activist. I’ve even met an amazing guy that I’ve grown very fond of.”

Unfortunately for Josh, last semester he lost his co-signer for his student loans and was unable to pay for school, thus, forcing him to withdraw from the University of Maryland.  The financial worries have contributed to his anxiety. 

“I’ve been stuck working full-time in order to pay my living expenses, but am currently facing eviction. I’m unable to have a social life or see any of my friends because I’m not in school.”

 “As I said, happiness, or the lack thereof, has been the focus of my life. I continue to clutch closely, my father’s words to me. ‘But you can be… you can be. And one day, you will be.’ I think of this in my mind every night before I go to bed, thinking of a way out. Someone once said, ‘Some men aren’t meant to be happy. They are meant to be great.’ I intend to challenge this and prove it wrong. I know it’s possible. I don’t know how… but I’ll prove it wrong.”

Hopefully, he will. Josh deserves happiness.

Taking the Local Road to Equality

As the transgender rights bill (Fairness for All Marylanders Act) continues to work its way through the General Assembly with hopefully positive results, the last big piece of legislation for LGBT Marylanders will be joining marriage equality in the rear-view mirror.  This is not to say the work is done, however. 

Carrie Evans, the executive director of Equality Maryland, indicated that there are future legislative initiatives concerning equality and justice that intersect with being LGBT.  “We are more than our sexual orientation and gender identity,” she said.  “We are black, immigrant, parents, rural dwelling, disabled, young, and senior citizens, and Equality Maryland will work on advocating for the whole of an LGBT person’s identity and issues.” 

While Equality Maryland re-tools its mission to take on matters that concern these groups, there are those who strongly believe that the most effective way to deal with anti-gay brushfires around the state is to go local.  The recent physical attack of a gay couple in New York’s West Village should underscore the fact that there are too many haters out there, which cannot be masked by recent victories in marriage and transgender equality.

Having local affiliates throughout the state, similar to what the NAACP does, makes patently good sense.  Volunteers consisting of LGBT folks and allies in each county (or region) should form groups that could be called, for example, “Equality Allegany” or “Equality Eastern Shore” or “Equality Prince George’s” depending on the jurisdiction.

With an LGBT presence at the local level, there could be more efficient ways to interact with the police on crimes or hate bias incidents directed towards LGBT folks.  Local affiliates could meet with police representatives to discuss such matters and hold conversations to educate the police on LGBT concerns that cannot be accomplished at the state level.

Local equality affiliates could also interact with their elected officials whether they are county executives, councilpersons, state representatives or other elected officials.  Maryland is a diverse state with each jurisdiction having unique problems.  Residents of these localities are familiar with these issues; perhaps they know the officials well enough to have a cup of coffee and initiate meaningful dialogue.

The same could be said for the local school boards.  Numerous LGBT families have children attending schools, and there are, of course, LGBT kids all over.  While the state has anti-bullying measures in place, individual incidents need to be addressed at the local school board level.  Who is better equipped to discuss anti-bullying policies than those people living in the same county and who may be members of the PTA or personally know members of the board?

Getting the local business community behind its LGBT neighbors cannot be overemphasized.  As the fracas in Arizona proved, business people saw discrimination as counter-productive and applied strong pressure on Governor Brewer to veto the preposterous discriminatory bill.  The local affiliate representatives should meet with business owners—large and small—to determine how supporting LGBT rights would be mutually beneficial.

I would also encourage each local group to form a speakers’ bureau consisting of at least one LGBT person, a parent of an LGBT child and another ally to foster trust and understanding.  The speakers would explain that as more and more people come out as LGBT, they are your family members, friends, classmates, neighbors and co-workers.  The presentations and discussions concerning LGBT issues should be directed at businesses, government entities and even religious organizations.  They should push to get invited; such talks would resonate given that the presenters are neighbors and customers.

Efforts at the local level have already paid dividends over the years, and there are already such “equality organizations” in place.  I’ve seen firsthand the myriad accomplishments of PFLAG-Howard County, which is a model for advocacy in the state.  The chapter has been successful at the county and state levels as well as in the private sector to eliminate the last vestiges of discrimination.

The progress being made by both The LGBT Center and the PFLAG chapter in Frederick has been notable.  They are working with the police and businesses to create a comfortable environment for a growing LGBT population in what was once a very conservative area.

There are other PFLAG chapters around the state that could serve as the root organization for the equality affiliate.  Chapters exist in Baltimore, Carroll, Kent and Montgomery counties, so they would be off to a fast start.  There has also been some movement in organizing LGBT events in Anne Arundel.

The GLCCB perhaps could serve as the principal organization in Baltimore City.  They have already taken big strides through their partnering with city government on a number of issues and have maintained a good relationship with the police—key successes in an urban environment.

Other affiliates, of course, would have to be established in rural counties.  The tasks are more daunting in those areas given the socially conservative mindset, but that is where the work is most needed.  Again, one should stress that those folks are their neighbors, customers, teachers, physicians and friends.  It’s worked before; it should work again.

All this localization is not designed to reduce Equality Maryland’s role in the quest for LGBT rights.  On the contrary, that organization could be a significant factor in the success of this effort.  I believe it should serve as the umbrella organization for the local affiliates.  Since the local groups would consist of volunteers, it would not place a financial burden on Equality Maryland.  They can use their database to identify potential volunteers around the state.

The larger organization would provide guidance on policy matters and connect the locals to elected officials.  Equality Maryland could hold an annual conference/fundraiser to discuss best practices among other subjects.  To the extent Equality Maryland would have control over the local groups would be left to the affiliates to negotiate. 

This is a big undertaking that will take time to succeed.  But going local is the right direction to take on the winding road to equality.

In Memoriam - Darren Manzella (August 8, 1977 – August 29, 2013)

In remembrance of Darren Manzella who was tragically killed in a traffic accident on Aug. 29, 2013 at the age of 36, below is a re-post of my article I wrote when he was a guest presenter at PFLAG- Howard County on November 11, 2008.



Darren Manzella

Outfitted in a sharply pressed dark suit and flashing a megawatt smile that illuminated his square jaw, former Sergeant Darren Manzella spoke before nearly 70 people at the Veterans Day meeting of Columbia/Howard County Chapter of PFLAG—Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

Darren Manzella, 31, helped mark the event by sharing his personal story and discussing the impact of the travesty known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT)—the military’s policy that prohibits openly gay men and lesbians from serving in the Armed Forces.

Manzella is a Policy Advocate and Major Gifts Officer for the Servicemembers Legal Defense Network, of which he had been a client for two years. His moving soft-spoken presentation was at times somber, but it was also sprinkled with a few humorous asides and anecdotes.

“I enlisted the U.S. Army in 2002 following the attacks of 9/11 when there was a nationwide wave of patriotism,” he told the audience. Manzella, a medic, eventually deployed to Iraq in 2004 where he provided medical coverage, emergency treatment and evacuation during more than one hundred 12-hour duties on the streets of Baghdad.

While under fire, he gave medical care to his fellow soldiers, Iraqi National Guardsmen and Iraqi civilians. His care during an attack in Iraq earned him the Combat Medical Badge, and he is also the recipient of several other awards recognizing his courage and duty to service in the war zone.

It was while Manzella was serving in the Army that he realized he was gay. Sgt. Manzella had come out first to his roommate, then his other friends, and finally to his parents. Eventually his fellow soldiers and superiors knew, and their reaction ranged largely from indifference to fully supportive.

But there were exceptions. Following threats of outing and a DADT investigation by his command, Sgt. Manzella wrote in a letter that, “I don't think most people can understand how hard it is to have to hide their true self; to have to pretend to be someone that they are not; to be scared that you'll be ostracized for being different; to be told that you're wrong if you live a certain life . . . that concerns no one else but yourself. . . . I am proud of myself and of the accomplishments I have achieved in my life.”

To his surprise, the investigation into his personal life was closed, and the Army deployed Sgt. Manzella later that year for a second tour of duty in the Middle East - again in Baghdad and then Kuwait.

After receiving word that Leslie Stahl of CBS News 60 Minutes wanted to interview him in Kuwait with regards to DADT, Sgt. Manzella was conflicted. He knew that telling his story on such a public stage would likely end the career he loved.

On the other hand, this was an opportunity to help other gay and lesbian service members by publicizing the discriminatory nature of the policy in an effort to gain public support for its repeal. He decided to go through with it; the interviewed aired in December 2007.

In March of 2008 his commander at Fort Hood, Texas informed Manzella, that he was being recommended for discharge under DADT. A copy of the 60 Minutes transcript was attached to the discharge recommendation. On June 10, 2008, Iraq War Veteran and Army Sergeant Darren Manzella was separated from the military with an Honorable Discharge.

The repugnant DADT policy is responsible for the discharges of 12,000 able service members since its inception in 1993. At a time when the military is actively recruiting those with sub-standard intelligence as well as felony records to meet enlistment quotas and beef up troop levels, fully competent patriotic gays and lesbians continue to be shown the door, which impacts our efforts in the war on terrorism. Nearly 800 specialists with critical skills, for example, have been fired from the military under DADT, including several linguists who speak Arabic.

And the costs of the policy are staggering. U.S. taxpayers have paid $250 million to investigate and root out patriotic servicemen and women under DADT and as much as $1.2 billion in lost recruiting and training costs.

But the issue will always be about discrimination. “DADT impacts all families who have gay children,” said PFLAG-Columbia/Howard County chapter chair Colette Roberts. “It's horrible being told your son or daughter who is trying to serve in the military is being treated like a second class citizen, hiding who they truly are.”

Darren Manzella, who now resides in Washington, D.C. working with SLDN to continue the fight for the repeal of DADT, is optimistic that an Obama Administration will take a serious look at the policy and try to gain consensus among the military’s brass. “Polls are showing greater acceptance of gays and lesbians openly serving in the military,” he pointed out. “It is the older generation in the military who is resistant to the change.”

Indeed, more than two-thirds of civilians support allowing gays to serve openly in the military. And despite the fear-mongering about unit morale, nearly 3 in 4 troops say they are personally comfortable serving side-by-side with gays and lesbians.

Those in the packed meeting room, which included some from the chapter’s Rainbow Youth Alliance, were captivated by the compelling personal journey traveled by Darren Manzella.

“Darren's story about a small town boy who joined the military to see the world only to become a man was truly inspirational,” said Sean McGovern, a member of the PFLAG chapter’s Advocacy Committee. “It struck me funny that the one institution that discriminated against him helped him realize who he truly was and that his fellow soldiers had become honorable men of tolerance with him.”

Nothing would vindicate Darren Manzella’s sacrifice more than the repeal of the ban and the liberation of his fellow gay brothers and sisters.

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