Sometimes stereotype is the enemy, and sometimes it’s us

By Steve Charing

Following our last Pride, a letter writer to this publication found it embarrassing to bring his straight friends to the parade because of the antics and attire of some of the marchers. In a column that responded to this and other criticisms, I had agreed with him that some over-the-top parade participants could be detrimental to our cause. They play into the hands of our opponents.

Footage of these events that focus on the more extreme attire and flamboyant behavior has been co-opted by religious and social conservatives in an effort to suppress our progress towards equality. They use these images primarily to shock "middle America" and instill fear. Some of it is in bad taste, I opined, and not conducive to a parade that has increasingly attracted children.

What appears to be lost among those who buy into the stereotype that gays and lesbians are obsessed with leather, cross-dressing and other fetishes, is that heterosexuals are far more likely to engage in that activity. But straight people do it privately and do not march in parades that showcase their fetishes.

This is one among various stereotypes that hurt us. At a time when the General Assembly is currently considering several bills that would legalize same-sex marriage or offer some intermediary measures to provide legal protections for gay and lesbian couples, the opposition clings to stereotypes to counter the arguments for fairness, equality and justice.

Republican State Senator Janet Greenip of Anne Arundel County is a staunch opponent of anything that provides recognition to gay and lesbian couples. Recently, she expressed her views on WAMU’s radio talk show and was quick to grab onto a stereotype to bolster her feeble arguments. "Children do not do well with one parent. Children need to have two parents: a mother and a father," she said.

While it is true that children do appear to have less developmental problems with two parents, there is no evidence whatsoever that they would be hurt by having two same-gender parents. Sen. Greenip would not agree. The stereotype, of course, is that gay or lesbian parents would be unhealthy for children, and it is used frequently by other opponents of same-sex marriage.

Our adversaries embrace other stereotypes as well. The Larry Craig restroom episode last year solidified the thinking that gay men will go anywhere to have sex, even in public facilities. The problem is that the vast majority of these incidents, according to police sources, involve either straight men on the down low or others that simply would not admit they are gay, as Sen. Craig alleged to a skeptical public.

For years, gay rights opponents berated our community by pushing the stereotype that we are promiscuous animals who lead a dirty, unhealthy "lifestyle." Strange that when nearly 8,000 gay and lesbian couples in Maryland, who in a study, indicated they would marry if permitted, that level of commitment isn’t acknowledged by the opponents and instead, they use other forms of stereotyping to blunt our message and progress.

One of these is that gay men are predators and seek out pre-teens or teens for sex. Unfortunately, there is some truth to that but not anywhere as prevalent as our opponents think.

The problem is that they confuse pedophilia with being gay, but make no mistake, there are a number of gays who either are pedophiles or seek out teens. This reputation was boosted by the sex scandals plaguing the Catholic Church and the high-profile revelation that former Congressman Mark Foley, a gay man, made advances to a 16 year-old through the Internet. His actions were not technically illegal, but the ramifications were considerable in that it was a stain on our community, and it cost him his job in Congress.

Although incidents of improper sexual conduct in schools far more often than not involve straight teachers, many parents tend to object to gays or lesbians teaching in schools. Not only do they assume and fear that gays will accost the children, they are also concerned that these teachers would "promote the homosexual lifestyle" and legitimize it in class. This, too, is a painful and damaging stereotype.

When a high-profile figure is nabbed for illegal sexual conduct with an underage individual, the immediate knee-jerk reaction by the public is that it must be gay-related, even if the details of the victim and circumstances are not revealed. People seem to be more comfortable blaming gays for perverted acts and not as outraged when the culprit is heterosexual.

But every time a gay man is accused or charged with engaging in sexual activities with a minor, it reinforces the stereotype and gives more comfort to an ignorant public. The gay involvement could represent a small percentage of such incidents, but that doesn’t matter. The imagery of gays preying upon the young is what the country generally perceives, and it hurts us all.

Most of these stereotypes have a degree of truth in them. It doesn’t matter how small. The fact is our opponents depend on them to make their case against us. As long as we live up to the stereotypes, our mountain will be that much steeper to climb.

Be Careful What You Wish For

The Democrats have their flaws, but they are our best chance for progress.

by Steve Charing

SOME GAY ACTIVISTS and observers continue to wring their hands and wag their fingers at the Democrat-led Congress for failing to achieve any substantive results midway through the term. They condemn the tepid LGBT-related stances taken by the DNC and accuse the Democrats of taking our community for granted.

To make a point, these folks consider "punishing" the Dems by withholding contributions, not voting for the party’s candidates or worse, voting for GOP candidates. But they are doing so at their own peril. They truly need to see the bigger picture, which is that of a giant elephant in the room called the Republican Party.

As we hear every four years, this presidential election will be another significant one for the LGBT community. But this time around, we are on the cusp of actually making substantive progress in the Federal arena.

An acceptable version of ENDA would be welcome for starters—something that has languished for over three decades. A repeal of the insidious "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" policy has a good chance. And a hate crime bill that will include sexual orientation is ever so close.

But absolutely none of these will succeed if John McCain is our next president. A Democratic victory—either by Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama—could be part of a Democratic movement that may bolster their existing but not yet dominating majorities in both houses of Congress.

Despite the debatable accusations that the Democrats take us for granted, who would gays rather see in the White House? For their part, Clinton and Obama back those potential initiatives. Moreover, they would like to see at least the nefarious portions of DOMA repealed (even though that’s a pipe dream). While they do not favor same-sex marriage, both indicated support for civil unions with Federal benefits.

OBAMA CHIDES THE Republicans in his stump speech for dividing the electorate and specifically cites "gay and straight" as an example of these divisions. He has also tried to address, in a public way, homophobia among African-American ministers. Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, maintains strong popularity among gays.

Nearly all of the Republican candidates had been generally anti-gay, especially in their pronounced support of the Federal Marriage Amendment. McCain, to his credit, had opposed the FMA. But watch out!

John McCain is held in suspicion by many of the GOP’s hard line conservatives; they simply don’t trust him based on his record on taxes, immigration and gay marriage. To goose up the enthusiasm within the party’s faithful and placate his critics, McCain will either veer to the right on these issues or select a vice-presidential candidate who can shore up the potent religious right wing.

Mike Huckabee—you know, the man who would have "quarantined" AIDS patients—is still in the race as a way to burnish his vote-getting ability and to impress upon McCain and the party’s big shots that he is the best choice for VP. That’s not likely to happen though.

While Huckabee is the darling of the evangelicals because of his clear views on abortion, gays and marriage, he lacks other conservative credentials regarding immigration and taxes. Plus his populist views on the economy don’t sit well with deficit hawks.

BUT SOMEONE WHO has a broader conservative appeal, especially a person who is Huckabee-like on social issues, will be on McCain’s ticket. Gays again stand to be demonized, and it will be more evident should the California State Supreme Court rule favorably on same-sex marriage during the campaign. You know where a McCain-Huckabee-clone ticket will stand.

On the surface, the GOP is in trouble moving forward. While Clinton and Obama duke it out in the coming months, the Republicans can coalesce, albeit unenthusiastically, behind McCain. But they must face an electorate who winces at the prospect that the war in Iraq could go on for as much as 100 years as McCain believes would be necessary to "win." Furthermore, the country’s economic woes will easily be tied to President Bush’s stewardship of the economy.

Nonetheless, a Clinton candidacy will mobilize the GOP faithful like no other, and with McCain’s ability to draw independents to the fold, the Republicans could overcome the policy weaknesses and still pull it out.

That would be horrific for the LGBT community. It would mean one term of McCain, and his right wing VP in position for eight more years.

If nothing else would bother those LGBT activists who deride the Democratic Party, the thought of McCain and Co. selecting two to three more justices to the Supreme Court should.

Warnings of Atacks an Election-year Ploy

Letter Published in the

Feb. 19, 2008 issue of the Baltimore Sun

You know we're approaching election time when President Bush sounds the alarm about the prospect of an imminent terrorist attack ("President warns of fresh attacks," Feb. 14).

Recall in 2004 when, as Mr. Bush was in a tight presidential race with Sen. John Kerry, we were treated to frequent color-coded alerts that were aimed to instill fear in the American people.

Then recall how those alerts have all but disappeared ever since that election.

But in trying to persuade Democratic members of the House of Representatives to support the version of legislation that would renew the surveillance law that Mr. Bush supports, the president said, "At this moment, somewhere in the world, terrorists are planning new attacks on our country. The goal is to bring destruction to our shores that will make September the 11th pale by comparison."

New attacks being planned somewhere in the world? How can that be?

Isn't part of Mr. Bush's current rationale for continuing his war in Iraq predicated on his mantra that if we fight the terrorists there, we won't have to fight them here?

Why, then, should we fear that terrorists elsewhere are planning an attack?

Which is it, Mr. President?

Steve Charing

Clarksville

Jay’s on Read Sold but Nothing Will Change

By Steve Charing

David Nash (r.) and Linda Swift (c.), a straight couple from Boston, visited Baltimore last year on business. They happened to come across Jay’s on Read, the popular upscale Mount Vernon piano bar that has been a mainstay in the local gay scene since August 2006.

The couple returned several times as customers. David noted, "We enjoy the crowd here. It’s a good place to have fun."

The couple fell in love with the tavern-style, warm atmosphere and the mixed, mature clientele that Jay’s featured. They had been looking at some 20 bars and pubs in the Baltimore area that had been on sale and were seeking one to call their own. "This is it," said Linda following their visits to Jay’s.

The problem was, Jay’s wasn’t on the market. But by sheer coincidence, the realtor for the Nash-Swift couple knew the realtor of Jay’s owner, Jay Lamont (l.), and both happened to be customers of Jay’s as well. The two realtors met several times about a possible transaction.

"They made an offer I couldn’t refuse," said Lamont. He wasn’t planning to sell the business this soon but realized that at his age he would like to stop working 70-hour weeks and do some relaxing of his own.

Jay Lamont had always wanted to buy a building downtown and start a business—especially a place where the clientele would feel more comfortable in a quieter atmosphere. When the offer was made during the Christmas holidays, he thought, "I achieved that goal and want to enjoy the rest of my life," he told OUTloud. "Now I want to be a customer." Lamont will continue to own the building where the bar is housed.

As the new owners officially take over on March 3, it is important to note that there will be no changes on the horizon. That also includes the name of the bar, which will remain Jay’s on Read.

All the employees and performers will be retained, and the transition should be seamless. "Jay has been a big help getting us acquainted with the business and customers," said Linda. "Jay has done a terrific job, so there’s no need to change anything." Added, David, "If it’s not broken, don’t fix it."

David Nash and Linda Swift are very much in tune to the gay scene having visited many gay establishments over the years, particularly in Provincetown, and have quite a few gay and lesbian friends. They know the market.

Prior to the official transfer of ownership, Jay’s will launch Karaoke on Wednesday evening, February 20. It will be emceed by Steve Smith who has successfully performed the same role at the Hippo for over two years.

Otherwise, Jay’s on Read will continue its tradition of cheerful piano entertainment and sing-alongs with no cover charge during its regular hours 4:00 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. Monday through Saturday.

Linda, who also runs an antique shop in Edgemere and lives with David in Sparrows Point, is so happy and excited about this new opportunity. "We just want people to come in and be comfortable."

That, too, will not change.

Cold Lobby Day Heats Up Annapolis

Activists take the fight to lawmakers

By Steve Charing
Senior Political Analyst

The bitter, sub-freezing temperatures pushed down further by a wispy breeze failed to chill the hearts and determination of several hundred marriage equality and lgbt rights activists at Equality Maryland’s annual Lobby Day on February 11. Over 500 had pre-registered for the event.

On a day that ironically marked the 50th birthday of Delegate Donald H. Dwyer, Jr. (R-Anne Arundel), a diehard foe of gay rights, people from all over the state and from all walks of life descended upon Annapolis. The rally, which took place at its traditional location at Lawyer’s Mall in front of the State House, saw for the first time all four of the openly gay lawmakers address a Lobby Day crowd.

Senator Rich Madaleno (Montgomery) and Delegates Maggie McIntosh (Baltimore City), Heather Mizeur (Montgomery) and Anne Kaiser (Montgomery)—all Democrats and sponsors of the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act (SB 290 and HB 351) that was recently introduced— assured the shivering throng that they will fight for marriage equality. "The only resolution is full civil marriage," Senator Madaleno proclaimed to the cheering crowd as a signal that the less effective concept of civil unions is not the goal.

The bill takes on added significance as the state’s Court of Appeals, by a razor thin 4-3 ruling last September, upheld the 35 year-old state law that defines marriage as between a man and a woman. The decision left the matter to be decided by the legislature.

Bill sponsors Senator Jamie Raskin (D-Montgomery) and Delegate Todd Schuler (D-Baltimore Co.)-both straight-also addressed the rally and explained that nothing short of civil marriage would bring equality.

Other speakers included Dan Furmansky, Executive Director of Equality Maryland; Susan Goering, Executive Director of the ACLU of Maryland; Rev. Andrew Foster Connors (Brown Memorial Park Avenue Presbyterian, Baltimore); Civil Rights leader Elbridge James, co-founder of the Maryland Black Family Alliance; and June White Dillard of the Prince George’s branch of the NAACP who announced her organization’s important support of the legislation.

Lead sponsor Del. Benjamin Barnes (D-Anne Arundel and Prince George's) and Co-Sponsor Elizabeth Bobo (D-Howard) stood behind the podium to demonstrate their solidarity in backing the bill.

In addition, transgender activist Mara Drummond made a moving plea to end discrimination based on gender identity and expression. A bill to accomplish that died in committee last year by a single vote when Sen. C. Anthony Muse (D-Prince George’s) backtracked from an earlier commitment and voted against the measure.

To accomplish this agenda, the lawmakers urged gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered folks plus supportive straight allies to educate the other legislators about the fairness that civil marriage would bring to some 15,000 lgbt couples in Maryland and to press for an anti-discrimination measure for transgendered citizens.

In that regard, over 115 meeting appointments were scheduled to help persuade wavering lawmakers by detailing how the status quo is harmful to individuals and their families. They also thanked those who are supporting the cause. Letters (especially hand written), e-mails and phone calls are among the other tools that were encouraged to educate the legislators on the issues and express support for these bills.

Following the rally, the crowd dispersed to meet with their district legislators. There have been reports that positive impressions were made even on opponents of marriage equality.

In Districts 5B and 9B (Carroll County), for example, a petition supporting same-sex civil marriage signed by over 400 students from St. Mary’s College—more than a quarter of the total enrollment—was presented to Republican Dels. Wade Kach and Susan Krebs. "We see no reason why there is an issue here," said one of the students. "Our generation supports marriage equality."

Although the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act is the centerpiece of Equality Maryland’s agenda during the 2008 General Assembly, other efforts to secure rights and legal protections for gay and lesbian couples are underway. And a bill to end discrimination based on gender identity and expression will be introduced once again.

These initiatives include Health Care Facility Visitation and Medical Decisions (HB 733 and SB 566), Recordation and Transfer Tax Exemption (HB 746 and SB 597), and the Inheritance Tax Exemption (HB 668 and SB 523).

Moreover, Del. Dwyer and his homophobic colleagues have, as has been the custom, introduced legislation to enact a constitutional amendment that would define marriage as only between a man and a woman (HB 1345 and SB 169). Other forms of same-sex partner recognition would also be banned in the bill. Experts do not believe that this effort stands much of a chance of making any headway.

(Information concerning the background and status of these bills as well as ways you can help are on Equality Maryland’s website

Kudos go to Equality Maryland for its organizing Lobby Day and arranging its line-up of distinguished speakers, who, because of the uncomfortable temperatures, kept their remarks brief. The organization deserves much credit and gratitude for setting up a warm sanctuary inside the Senate Building and providing refreshments between legislative appointments.

And praise should also be heaped on the hundreds of lgbt activists and fair-minded allies for supporting the event and enduring the weather conditions to make their voices heard. One participant noted, "It was extremely cold, but I’m glad I was here to put some heat on my legislators."

PFLAG Works to Keep Families Together

Published in the February 2008 issue of The Business Monthly

by Steve Charing

Most businesses target their marketing strategies towards families. Myriad services and products are offered the consumer with the family in mind. From restaurants to tax services, appliances to health care, the effects of these goods and services on families are keys to success.

Families that remain intact better serve the general economy. Strong families are the engines that make the economy run. A fractured family, whether it is caused by domestic conflict, economic uncertainty, substance abuse or poor health, will reduce the likelihood that goods and services, other than essentials, will be sought.

At the Columbia/Howard County chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) - an all-volunteer organization - the overall mission is to keep families together through support, education and advocacy. But even in a progressive area such as Howard County, there is family discord stemming from homophobia.

Dealing With Cries for Help

Over the years, PFLAG chapter chair Colette Roberts, who is the point of contact for most inquiries, has taken countless phone calls - many during the middle of the night - from parents who have difficulty in dealing with the discovery that their child is gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered (GLBT). In addition, there have been frantic, emotional and sometimes desperate calls from teenagers who found that not only were their parents not accepting of this new information, they also were hostile.

Using her 12-plus years of experience in dealing with such cries for help, Roberts - a recipient of Howard County's 2007 Human Relations Commission award - attempts to diffuse the emotional trauma that triggered the call. In most instances, the parents are invited to a PFLAG support meeting. There they can meet other parents who initially had experienced consternation and have ultimately found acceptance of their child's sexual orientation.

Other situations can be more critical. Because some parents actually have evicted their children, Roberts has worked with community services and individuals to seek placement for these children until stability was restored within the family. In cases where the crisis appeared to be acute, referrals were made to social service agencies such as the Grassroots Crisis Intervention Center.

A large number of parents have attended PFLAG meetings over the years and have learned that they are not alone. They have been comforted by others who have traveled the same journey. The parents come to the realization that it is OK if their child is gay - that their love is unconditional. The same love and respect they have for their straight children also applies to their GLBT sons and daughters.

Legal and Social Disadvantages

PFLAG's interest in keeping families together extends to GLBT couples. Today's families are no longer exclusively in the "Ozzie and Harriet" model. There are various types of family arrangements that contribute to the economy: single-parent families, blended families, extended families, foster families and adoptive families are examples.

There are also same-sex couples that are linked by love and commitment as well as economic ties. According to Susan Leviton, founder of the Baltimore-based Advocates for Children and Youth, there are more than 15,000 same-sex couples in the state of Maryland and between one-quarter and one-third are raising children. But in Maryland there is no marriage equality under the law.

Lacking the more than 1,100 benefits, rights and responsibilities that are afforded heterosexual couples, not only are same-sex partners denied legal protections, but the children who are being raised are also at a major disadvantage. Aside from the social consequences from families being relegated to unequal and second-class status, the economic impact must be considered.

Stable Families Contribute Economically

Corporations have seen the economic benefits of stable families, regardless of their composition. The Human Rights Campaign, a nonpartisan GLBT civil rights organization, reports that, of the 500 companies which compose the Fortune 500, nearly 90% have anti-discrimination policies in effect with respect to sexual orientation, 30% prohibit discrimination based on gender identity and more than 50% provide domestic partner health insurance benefits to their employees.

Moreover, the higher a company ranks on Fortune magazine's list of the most successful businesses, the more likely it is to provide comprehensive protections and benefits to GLBT employees.

Howard County government, the Howard County Public School System, the Columbia Association and Howard Community College are among the public and private institutions that recognize the contributions stable families bring to the community and have offered domestic partnership benefits.

"Employees are far more productive when they don't have to sit and worry at work about how they are going to cope financially with a partner's illness," said Dan McCarthy, co-chair of PFLAG - Columbia/Howard County's Advocacy Committee, who has performed research on the issue. "It makes good business sense to allow the employees to concentrate on their jobs and perform at the desired levels. Plus it allows companies to compete with others in recruiting and retaining highly qualified employees." He added, "All this at a relatively nominal cost."

PFLAG - Columbia/Howard County, through its advocacy work, was instrumental in gaining these benefits. It is another way the chapter strives to keep families together, and it's good for business, too.

Legal Clinic Representative Visits Howard LGBT Youth Group

by Steve Charing

Aaron Merki, a student at the University of Maryland School of Law in Baltimore, spoke before the Rainbow Youth Alliance (RYA)—the youth group under the auspices of PFLAG-Columbia/Howard County—on the evening of January 22.

Some 20 members of the RYA heard Merki discuss the formation of a new legal clinic in Baltimore currently called the Free State Law Project, which will serve LGBT youth in need as well as other members of the community who are facing discrimination.

Merki, a Free State steering committee member, sees the clinic as a way of ending a pattern of neglect for the underprivileged. "If there is a neglected, forgotten community in Baltimore, it is this one; especially the hundreds, if not thousands, of homeless lgbt youth in Baltimore City and around the state," Merki told OUTloud. "Often they are sick, malnourished, abandoned by friends and family, and forced even to prostitute themselves in order to shower and eat."

He added that the problem is especially acute with transgendered youth. "They are typically not accepted in or kicked out of foster homes and must survive on the streets."

The members of the RYA were clearly moved by Merki’s portrait of their lgbt peers in distress and they wanted to do their part to help. One girl said she would ask her father, who is a dean of a local community college, to assist with outreach to the many transgendered students in the school.

Others filled out a sheet of paper with their names and services they could provide Free State. They offered such assistance as web design, fundraising, paperwork, needs assessment and community outreach. All told, over a dozen RYA members indicated their willingness to help Free State in a variety of ways. RYA co-facilitator Jason Hillis presented Merki with the list of volunteers following the discussion.

"The RYA was warm and engaging, inspirational," said Aaron Merki following the meeting. "I was able to share about our project and hear their ideas. Many of them are interested in volunteering, in one way or another."

If all goes well with funding and other issues, the legal clinic is scheduled to open in September 2008.

Photo: Aaron Merki (l.) accepts list of volunteers from RYA co-facilitator Jason Hillis.

Take a Deep Breath…the Smoking Ban is Here

By Steve Charing

As this edition of OUTloud "hits the streets," a new page in Baltimore lgbt social culture is about to turn. Starting February 1, the ban on indoor smoking is in effect in all bars, clubs and restaurants in Baltimore and all over the state. For smokers and non-smokers alike, the era of returning home from these establishments with your shirt smelling like it had been used to wipe ashtrays is over.

But this law was not put into effect because of laundry issues and the amount of smoke that settles into your clothes. It was enacted during the 2007 General Assembly because of the amount of smoke that permeates the lungs of everyone around a smoker, and was backed by nearly three-quarters of Marylanders, based on a Gonzalez Poll.

The effort to ban smoking here had been buoyed by a report in 2006 from the U.S. Surgeon General stating that the public health hazards of secondhand smoke are "indisputable." And according to the Smoke Free Maryland Coalition, an advocacy group, "Secondhand smoke exposure is the third leading cause of preventable death, killing 1,000 Marylanders every year."

This past April I used this space to discuss the possible implications of the ban on the local bar owners and the community. In short, some owners were accepting of the ban and were even eager to have it implemented because they saw it as a way to improve the environment for their customers and employees. On the other hand, one bar owner insisted that he would lose business as a result of the ban and plans to appeal.

I had speculated that smokers will learn to cope and will continue to enjoy the bar culture, which they seek. I also believed (and still do) that many people who eschewed the bar scene in part because of the smoky conditions may now return or try them out for the first time.

In Baltimore several owners of gay bars are making renovations to their establishments to accommodate their smoking patrons. Some of these include a smoking deck at Grand Central, a covered outdoor patio at the Baltimore Eagle and a structure of some sort outside the rear door of The Quest. Others who cannot make such changes will have to address the litter, loitering and noise caused by those who step outside the bar to light up

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I randomly surveyed several bar owners and managers in neighboring locales like Washington D.C. and Delaware who have had to deal with smoking bans for over a year. The results were mixed but clearly not as apocalyptic as some fear.

"The smoking ban did not affect business too much," said Perry Morehouse, a manager of the popular club Omega on DC’s P Street. "It led to a better working environment. But the only problem is with people congregating outside."

John Berdini, the owner of Cloud 9 in Rehoboth Beach told me that littering from outside smokers is a problem even though he installed ashtrays. "In the long run, however, the ban was a good idea," he said. "I’m glad the state made the decision for me because there were too many conflicts between the avid smokers and passionate anti-smoking customers." He added that the ban had an effect on business to some degree but it also brought in new customers.

Sayed, a manager of the 1409 Playbill Café, a theater restaurant and bar in DC, said he was not losing customers but revenue. "When people go out smoking, they are not drinking. I’m losing about a drink per person." Sayed also acknowledged there were new customers since the ban went into effect but it didn’t make up for the lost revenue.

Phone calls and e-mails to Joey Oldaker, general manager of another P Street club, Apex, were not returned. But according to the results of an informal survey conducted by the Washington Blade shortly after the implementation of the ban, Oldaker had stated that his club lost customers and revenue as a result and had to raise prices slightly to accommodate that. "Our biggest concern is the people who go outside to smoke," Oldaker said in the Blade story published last May. "We're nearly surrounded by condos and the noise created by the people outside smoking could create problems."

In that same article the DC Eagle’s Bill Capello reported losses in revenue and customers and had planned to appeal based on hardship while the 17th Street bar DIK reported a gain in both revenue and customers. The Fireplace, too, saw an increase in customers.

I contacted a manager at the DC Eagle, Ted Clements, to determine if the financial conditions have improved since last Spring. "We have a patio where smokers can smoke. It’s just a matter of getting people to know that," he says. "There is still some loss of revenue from customers not crossing the river, but personally, as a non-smoker, I am not feeling the bad effects from sinus problems since the ban."

What bar owners and managers neglect to account for is the loss of customers prior to the ban due to respiratory illnesses or death. Again, the thrust of this law was aimed at improving the health of the customers and employees of the bars by protecting them from secondhand smoke. A smoker can demand personal freedom and such, but a non-smoker also has the right to avoid toxic fumes.

This is definitely going to require an adjustment period that will take some time. But overall the bars and their owners will be better off, as well as their non-smoking employees and customers.

The lgbt community has enough divisions already: men and women, gay and transgendered, white and black, young and old, rich and poor, politically active and apathetic—I could go on ad nauseum. Smokers and non-smokers have also divided the community. Hopefully, adapting to this new law will at least help remove this chasm.

A Winning Strategy: Chipping Away at Barriers

By Steve Charing

A rule change in a state insurance law that affects domestic partners may seem like a small victory in the scheme of things. But it is a concrete example of how lobbying legislators on issues important to the LGBT community can bring about the word that’s once again in vogue: change.

One day after the 2008 Maryland General Assembly began, the Joint Committee on Administrative, Executive and Legislative Review, voted 12-4 to approve the definition of "domestic partner" that would clarify a bill mandating that insurance companies provide domestic partnership coverage for employers who request it.

While the regulation covers unmarried relationships regardless of sexual orientation, and that it is not intended to be a bridge to the legalization of same-sex marriage, many political observers saw this hearing as a window to how the hot-button issue of marriage equality will be debated.

Not surprisingly, four conservative Republicans on the panel viewed this action as the beginning of the end of marriage as an institution and by extension, civilization. "A domestic partnership is a gay marriage, that's what it is," balked GOP Del. Michael Smigiel, Jr., who represents an Eastern Shore district.

The four Republicans who opposed the regulatory action were expected. What was not, however, was the fact that Minority Whip Senator Allan H. Kittleman (pictured), who represents portions of Howard and Carroll counties, voted with the Democratic majority.

This is significant.

Sen. Kittleman by virtue of his leadership position in the Senate, would normally be counted on to side with his troops. But he broke the paradigm that assumes all Republican legislators reflexively oppose any measure that even sniffs of gay marriage.

To be sure, this regulatory change has no bearing on same-sex marriage, but the opposition clearly saw it as such. And there is no reason to believe that Sen. Kittleman will back the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act, which, prior to her recent death, had been sponsored by Sen. Gwendolyn Britt along with Delegates Victor Ramirez and Benjamin Barnes. (The sudden death of Sen. Britt, a solid supporter of LGBT rights, is a sad loss for the pro-equality movement.)

Gay rights groups—most prominently PFLAG-Howard County—had lobbied Senator Kittleman over the past few years since he replaced his late father Robert Kittleman who was a proponent of civil rights in the state Senate. As a member of the chapter’s Advocacy Committee, I attended some of those meetings.

Sen. Allan Kittleman showed interest in hearing first-hand stories from members of the lgbt community who reside in his district. He listened intently how each family has been impacted by the inability to legally marry in the state.

These efforts, I am sure, led to Sen. Kittleman’s being the sole Republican on the committee to support the motion made by openly gay Senator Rich Madaleno (Montgomery County) to adopt the definition of "domestic partner."

When the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act is introduced in the appropriate committees, it is unlikely to achieve success right away. This is despite the fact that the measure stipulates that religious institutions will not be forced to preside over any same-sex marriage ceremonies if that is their preference.

The braying from House Speaker Michael E. Busch and Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller—both Democrats—on how they will not support same-sex marriage is a strong indicator that it won’t progress too far this session.

But if members of our community and especially allies meet, write, and phone their representatives and urge them to vote for or co-sponsor the bill, there will, over time, be increasing support.

A great way to help this effort is to participate in the Equality Maryland-sponsored Lobby Day activities in Annapolis on February 11. Not only is the push for marriage equality a priority of the organization’s legislative agenda, but also gender identity protections and other legal initiatives to help benefit the LGBT community will be advanced.

I encourage you to visit Equality Maryland's website to see how you can participate. Following a rally, meetings will be set up with your district legislators so you can tell your personal story and thank them for past support, if applicable—a strategy that is clearly effective.

"We'll need an unprecedented showing of support for our legislative agenda from all of you – straight and gay, black and white, rural and urban, young and old," urged Mary Zicari, the Field Organizer for Equality Maryland in an e-mail announcement..

It does work. As a result of tenacious lobbying by PFLAG-Howard County—from participation at Lobby Days and setting up other meetings with the legislators—all three delegates from District 13 (Howard County) agreed to co-sponsor the Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act. They are Dels. Guy Guzzone, Shane Pendergras and Frank Turner.

Each of them had previous trepidation about same-sex marriage, which was a barrier to overcome. Now they are co-sponsoring the bill.

"This should give us hope that with persistence we really can move these legislators in the right direction," said Dan McCarthy, co-chair of PFLAG-Howard County’s Advocacy Committee.

It will take time, but it’s up to all of us to chip away at these barriers to make it happen.

Here is a good related column: http://www.hometownannapolis.com/cgi-bin/read/2008/01_13-49/COL

Related story in Washington Blade: http://www.washblade.com/2008/1-18/news/localnews/11882.cfm

What We Should Expect in 2008

By Steve Charing

Happy New Year! Last issue I offered a reality check and discussed what not to expect in 2008 in the political arena and elsewhere. Now I’d like to focus on what the lgbt community could anticipate this coming year at both the local and national levels.

SAME-SEX MARRIAGE WILL DRAW EARLY FIRE IN ANNAPOLIS. With the budget mess largely addressed at the recent special session of Maryland’s General Assembly, other matters—some as contentious—will get aired when the new session opens January 9.

The first salvo is expected to take place the day after the opening bell. According to Lisa Rein of the Annapolis Notebook, a House-Senate committee will hold a hearing on a proposed regulation defining domestic partnerships in state law. This debate is being conducted because of language in a health insurance law whereby insurance companies are required to offer benefits to domestic partners if their employers ask for it. The term "Domestic partnership" was not defined.

During this hearing, the nefarious anti-gay forces will crawl from under their sleazy rocks to denounce any semblance of same-sex partnership recognition. They will predict the destruction of the institution of marriage, ignoring its existing 50 percent failure rate.

We will hear that attack over and over from Delegate Don Dwyer and his legion of homophobes. And they will try, unsuccessfully I predict, to get a constitutional amendment on the books to ban same-sex marriage.

Nonetheless, expect to see during the session the introduction of the pro-equality Religious Freedom and Civil Marriage Protection Act that would allow same-sex couples to be legally married in Maryland. Unfortunately, 2008 will not be the year this bill will be passed. There are far too many hurdles.

As part of their make-up, all Republican legislators will oppose it automatically. That’s a given. Senate President Thomas V. "Mike" Miller, a Democrat, has repeatedly stated his opposition to same-sex marriage and civil unions. That alone will kill any chances of passage this year. There are also other weak-kneed Democrats who will not support same-sex marriage and will use the abhorrent Court of Appeals 4-3 ruling in September as cover. A compromise, however, is a distinct possibility.

In time we will win full marriage rights. It’s an education and lobbying effort, and that must be pushed relentlessly. One Republican legislator, who requested not to be identified, told a group of us that in his heart he is with us, but he cannot buck his Party.

As long as the Republican playbook contains anti-gay positions, they will always attempt to thwart our progress. We must educate the public on the fairness issue and make it so that opposing our rights is bad politics. We must step up the message in 2008.

As part of Equality Maryland’s legislative agenda, there will be another attempt this year to end discrimination based on gender identity and expression. As you may recall, that effort failed last year despite broad support. Thank the Senate leadership for that.

Other less heralded, but still significant lgbt issues will be considered at the General Assembly, and I anticipate there will be some positive results. Check Equality Maryland’s website to learn how you can help and to participate in Lobby Day on February 11.

PRESIDENTIAL POLITICS AND GAY MARRIAGE—PART II. After the 2004 anti-gay marriage attacks by the Republicans, I think the electorate has recognized that the more pressing issues deserve the thoughtful attention of the candidates and should be the focus. The instability of Pakistan and other Middle East unrest, Iraq, national security, illegal immigration, healthcare and to some extent, the worsening economy should be enough for the candidates to chew on.

Nonetheless, look for gay marriage to surface during the 2008 presidential campaign, but definitely not as much as in 2004. Like I said, though, anti-gay positions are always part of the GOP playbook, so don’t be surprised if gay marriage rears its head at some point.

This is especially true if the California Supreme Court rules in the spring or summer in favor of same-sex marriage. Remember those dreaded "activist judges"?

No matter who the Democrats ultimately nominate, that person will be opposed to same-sex marriage, thus stifling any charges by the Republican nominee. But a Democrat will support partnership recognition in other forms. There will also be fewer states placing constitutional amendments that would ban same-sex marriage on the ballot than in 2004.

The GOP (historically winning) formula of "fear and smear" will still be out there despite the absence of Karl Rove. They will truly attempt to demonize the Democratic nominee and sling the mud for the smear part of the equation. Then there will the "fear factor" that entails illegal immigrants, Islamo-Fascism (whatever that is), higher taxes, and of course, the trusty destruction of the family (code for anti-gay). That leads me to…

MIGHT THERE BE ANOTHER LARRY CRAIG MOMENT IN 2008? Following the likes of Mark Foley, Ted Haggarty and the "I’m not gay, never was gay" toe-tapping Larry Craig, don’t be surprised to see another closeted, homophobic Republican to be caught with his pants down or fingers on the mouse.

There are quite a few closeted Republicans who have gone on record opposing gay rights who draw whispers and outright charges from bloggers and others that they are actually gay. Don’t be shocked if another one’s behavior outs himself or gets outed during this amazing year that has only just begun.

Reality Check: What Not to Expect in 2008

By Steve Charing

‘Tis the season that most people are brimming with optimism and high hopes that the coming year will be an improvement over the current one on various levels. While no one is suggesting that will not be the case in 2008, there are areas that require a reality check to tamp down false optimism. Conversely, those who maintain a "doom and gloom" mindset may be in for a pleasant surprise in 2008. Here are a few issues that call for a reality check:

THE SMOKING BAN WILL NOT DOOM GAY BARS. Come February 2008 much-needed relief for non-smoking bar patrons in the form of a statewide smoking ban in indoor public establishments will be a welcome arrival. While some bar owners in Baltimore have bemoaned the ban as the first step towards bankruptcy, their pessimism seems unjustified.

As I see it, smokers will, by and large, continue to patronize bars and clubs, as they don’t want to forgo the culture of the bar scene and the social outlet they provide. These folks will find a way to cope, as they have learned to make do in restaurants and in the workplace.

At the same time, people who have for years eschewed the bars, in large part because of the smoky environment, should return. And potentially new younger patrons who have avoided that atmosphere may give bars a look since there will be a healthier environment.

The result of the ban should be a net gain for the owners, and definitely for the customers and employees as well.

DON’T GET SIZED FOR A WEDDING RING YET. Despite the courageous and determined efforts of Equality Maryland and others who are seeking the legalization of same-sex marriage in Maryland, don’t expect to throw a bouquet 2008. This hot button issue is one that Democrats would prefer to avoid and Republicans want to exploit.

Naturally, Republican state legislators oppose marriage equality; it is in their DNA. But Democrats, who command a huge majority in the General Assembly, are split according to a report by The Gazette.

"It will be an issue, but I think it's an issue whose time has not yet come," said Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller Jr. "For a law like that to move forward, there needs to be a strong body of public opinion, and I don't think it's there yet in a state of moderate temperament like Maryland."

But 2008 should be a year in which we must continue the push to educate the public on marriage equality, separate the issue from religious dogma, and keep the pressure on skittish legislators to do the right thing. In time it will pass but not this coming year.

Take heart, however, that the Dwyer-led threatened constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage won’t make it to the floor for a vote.

WAIT ‘TIL 2009 FOR FEDERAL GAINS IN GAY LGBT RIGHTS. Don’t expect to see Federal hate crimes and employment nondiscrimination legislation to be enacted in 2008. Nor will any possible repeal of the military’s "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" policy take place. Although public opinion is trending towards acceptance of these measures and more members of Congress are supportive, Mr. Bush and his ilk will not allow them to pass on his watch.

It’s also an election year. A better chance for passage will occur in 2009 should Americans elect a more gay-friendly president and the Democratic majority in each chamber increases.

THE GAY MARRIAGE DEBATE WILL NOT DOMINATE LIKE IN 2004. Presidential candidates from both parties will trip over themselves to boast about their devout faith. And neither party will nominate a candidate who will support same-sex marriage since there aren’t any. (Sorry, Dennis. We love you, but you’re not going to be nominated.)

Aside from Iraq, the predominate issue of the upcoming election campaign will be Immigration. This is tricky for Democrats who hope to reel in the Hispanic vote in greater numbers by advocating a more humanitarian approach with dealing with the issue. At the same time, the voters see illegal immigration as a problem. Republicans foam at the mouth like a rabid dog at the mere mention of illegal immigrants.

PULL THE LEVERS ELSEWHERE. If you are like me and enjoy playing the slot machines, don’t expect to see slots pass by referendum in 2008. Our legislators abdicated their duty by throwing the issue out to the voters.

Most Marylanders do not play slots, and there is a concerted, organized effort that crosses party lines to defeat it. Very few sympathize with the racetrack owners, so there won’t be a successful lobbying effort. States that had placed slots on the ballot have seen it lose on four out of five occasions.

People will continue to drive or take buses to neighboring states to enjoy this pastime. The downside of the defeat: taxes will have to increase again to make up for the lost revenue.

NO RELIEF FOR LOCAL SPORTS FANS. And in the world of sports, do not expect to see any relief in the Orioles this coming year. In fact, last place is almost a cinch. The Ravens are unlikely to improve upon the 4-12 season they will have had in 2007. Thank Goodness for Hopkins lacrosse.

Cheers! Despite all this, may 2008 bring good news to write about.

Separating State from the Church

For gays, keeping Huckabee out of the White House is a must.

by Steve Charing

THIS COUNTRY, AND specifically the LGBT community, does not need an Ayatollah sitting in the White House. And that's exactly what we would get if the current flavor-of-the-week, Republican Gov. Mike Huckabee of Arkansas should, in comeback fashion, meander his way through the primaries to win the GOP nomination and then upset the Democratic candidate in November of 2008.

We have already experienced a devastating seven years with George W. Bush at the helm, who some have dubbed the "minister-in-chief. While the federal government is technically secular, this president has seen to it that administration policies and personnel meet with the approval of the Christian conservatives who, in no small way, helped to elect him twice and embraced him as one of their own.

You can point to the disproportionate number of Department of Justice employees who have graduated from none other than Rev. Pat Robertson's law school as an example of this influence. Then there was the inappropriate White House-backed intervention in a personal family matter in the Terri Schiavo case. Add that to the successful appointments of two very conservative Supreme Court justices as well as other anti-gay administration appointees who were the darlings of the religious right.

Not to be forgotten and just as egregious for gays was the cynical use of faith-based dollars and other incentives to influence church leaders, including African-American ministers, to rail against "gay marriage" during the 2004 campaign, especially in the battleground state of Ohio to help bolster Republican turnout.

After this Bush presidency you would think the electorate would yearn for a return to secular and competent governance. But on the strength of a friendly persona that contrasts with an immigrant-hating, terrorism-obsessed angry field of GOP competitors and a well-timed but not necessarily funny quip during the recent CNN-YouTube Republican debate, Huckabee, an ordained minister, is seeing his stock rapidly rise.

This is scary, particularly for gays.

HUCKABEE ONCE ADVOCATED for the isolation of people with AIDS from the general population. "If the federal government is truly serious about doing something about the AIDS virus," he wrote, "we need to take steps to isolate the carriers of this plague."

Although he recently backtracked somewhat from that earlier stance saying that there was uncertainty with respect to the transmission of the virus, his pronouncement occurred in 1992, not 1982. By that point in time there was a much better understanding of how HIV was transmitted, that is it cannot be spread by casual contact, but that didn't alter his archaic, bigoted stance.

And why would it? "I feel homosexuality is an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle, and we now know it can pose a dangerous public health risk," Huckabee wrote then.

The religious right has yet to coalesce behind a particular candidate for a variety of reasons. But they are taking a second look at Huckabee and are impressed by his virulent anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage positions. They are beginning to view him as one of their own and with good reason.

TO THIS POWERFUL voting bloc that is crucial in the GOP primaries, John McCain cannot be trusted. Flip-flopping Mitt Romney is a Mormon, which many Christian conservatives regard as a cult. Fred Thompson has had a checkered past with respect to the issue of abortion. And Mr. 9/11, Rudy Giuliani, is way too immoral because of his moderate positions on choice and civil unions, not to mention his two divorces.

They're a sullen bunch, but the sunny Huckabee (read: Reaganesque) with his clergy status and his unabashed Christian dogma is catching on with evangelicals in Iowa, and fast.

Here is a man who admitted on national television during one of the earlier debates that he does not believe in evolution and, therefore, by extension, science. That has to be discouraging to those who have witnessed a president since 2001 who has placed little value in science.

And since Huckabee eschews science by believing in Creationism, how is this going to help solve the global warming crisis that is looming? Or energy independence? Is he simply going to pray for these critical problems to be solved?

The next president will have the opportunity to potentially appoint two, perhaps three justices to the Supreme Court. With a possible Huckabee presidency, you can expect such nominees to be anti-choice and anti-gay. For it would be those positions that will have helped to elect Mike Huckabee.

We cannot afford to have an Ayotollah leading our country—again.

PFLAG Supports Families, Not Rape

Letter Published in the December 6, 2007 edition of the Baltimore Examiner

I decry The Examiner for publishing the vitriolic letter by Ed Connor on the Dec. 4, “Examiner Spreads PFLAG Propaganda.” PFLAG and Colette Roberts in particular work hard trying to keep families together by supporting parents and families of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered children. It is completely false that PFLAG promotes an agenda or indoctrinates children. Where does Mr. Connor get this? And to equate homosexuality to murder and rape? Clearly this man harbors extreme, irrational views and has cloistered himself in a hateful, bigoted world of yesteryear’s thinking.

Steve Charing
PFLAG-Columbia/Howard County
Clarksville

Why Should Iowa Matter to Gays?

By Steve Charing

The distant state of Iowa will have a profound effect on who will be our next president. For gays and lesbians the 2008 general election will present an opportunity to elect someone to the White House who is not only gay-friendly, but also possessing the will to enact change.

And hopefully a victory will translate into much-needed influence on Capitol Hill for repealing "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" (DADT), nondiscrimination in employment (ENDA) and hate crimes legislation among other issues.

The Iowa caucuses on January 3 will be huge for both political parties but more critical for the Democratic candidates. The key state for the GOP will be South Carolina.

Even though Iowa, a small agricultural, mostly rural state, does not have the election-tipping number of electoral votes (7) that presidential candidates covet during the general campaign, it is ground zero for the nominating process simply because it’s first on the calendar. And being first sets the psychological tone as to who is perceived to be a winner and hence, electable.

During the 2004 election cycle, Gov. Howard Dean was heavily favored to win the Democratic nomination until his fall from grace in Iowa (remember the scream?). Sen. John Kerry’s surprisingly strong showing there led the Party to believe that his decorated military service would prove him electable against the hawkish Republican incumbent. Alas, Mr. Kerry and his campaign advisors fooled us all.

The Democrats face a similar scenario in Iowa with Sen. Hillary Clinton solidly ahead in the national polls, and an Iowa victory will ostensibly seal the deal.

But not so fast.

Sen. Barack Obama has gained some palpable momentum heading into Iowa on the wings of a more aggressive campaign. Currently, he leads both Clinton and Sen. John Edwards in the Iowa polls although it is within the margin of error. But an Obama victory there followed by a strong showing in New Hampshire only a few days later could substantially change the dynamic, and the "invincible" label will be peeled off Mrs. Clinton.

Regardless of who wins the Democratic nomination, as a gay man, I will support that candidate over any Republican in the field. The GOP offers a group of goofy contenders who basically trip over themselves to show how much they oppose same-sex marriage and the repeal of DADT.

Only Democrats Dennis Kucinich and Mike Gravel favor same-sex marriage, but they aren’t given any chance of capturing the nomination. The other Democratic candidates support civil unions or similar arrangements so that gay and lesbian couples can reap many of the benefits that are accorded heterosexual married couples.

That may fall short of our goals, but it is a monumental improvement over anything the Republican candidates have to offer. Notwithstanding same-sex marriage, all the Democratic candidates maintain gay-supportive stances in varying degrees and have disclosed their positions publicly.

But the key issue in the Democratic primaries and caucuses remains electability.

Should any one of the Republican candidates win the presidency, our hopes for any progress will be dashed for at least another four years. Not only would that person have an anti-gay mindset and would be beholden to the religious right for helping him get elected, he will also be in a position to potentially appoint two more justices to the Supreme Court, who, as expected would be conservative and anti-gay. It would seem like the Second Coming of George W. Bush.

John Edwards might do well in Iowa, but he lacks the fundraising capacity to remain competitive elsewhere. Assuming the two leading Democratic candidates remaining are Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, I must support Mr. Obama. Keeping in mind the dangers of a Republican win, Hillary, in my view, is not electable.

She has more baggage than a Heathrow Airport luggage carrousel and is not likable—big time hurdles in trying to win an election. The Republicans’ hatred of her husband; her sometimes abrasive personality, her ever-changing policy positions that do not seem to be borne from conviction, and her perceived "liberal" stances are problematic except for those on the left. Hillary is polarizing, as polls already indicate that half the country wouldn’t vote for her under any circumstances. In polispeak, she has too many negatives.

Although the GOP is dispirited, and rightly so, from the incompetent and devastating two terms of the Bush presidency, nothing will fuse them together better than a run at Hillary. They have already amassed an arsenal of smear attacks to do her in.

The far more likable Obama faces the uphill struggle of being an African-American seeking the top job and having limited Washington experience. But I think he can beat any GOP nominee in this weak field, especially if he can knock off Hillary and her mighty political apparatus. He is fresh, he is seeking to effect needed change, and he could garner a majority of the ever-important independent and moderate vote.

Yes, Obama demonstrated insensitivity to the LGBT community when he allowed the so-called ex-gay and now anti-gay gospel singer Donnie McClurkin to join him on a campaign tour in South Carolina. He did express his disagreement with the views of McClurkin as it pertains to gays and lesbians. And I also understand Obama’s need to share a stage with a popular gospel singer to appeal to gospel-loving African-Americans whose votes he must court and are crucial.

But overall, I do like his positions on gay-related issues as well as the other important issues of our time. I believe Obama is sincere with his religious rationale for not supporting same-sex "marriage," but he has been clear in advocating all the benefits that could be available through civil marriage. Moreover, he not only supports a repeal DADT, but he has been explicit as to what means he will undertake to oversee its demise.

The Republicans already have an appalling record on equality for gays and lesbians and ending discrimination. They have demonstrated that they cannot be counted on to help our cause. Instead, they created a wedge issue like "gay marriage" to bludgeon gays and lesbians and set us back.

While nowhere near perfect, the Democrats provide our best hope. The Democratic nominee must come to terms with the major issues facing the country and articulate solutions. At the same time he or she must be able to duck the mud the GOP is known for slinging. Such a candidate must be strong and electable.

While nothing is definite, I believe the results of the Iowa caucuses will give us a pretty good idea as to who that candidate might be. And personally, I hope it’s Barack Obama. We need to nominate an electable Democrat because we simply cannot afford the risk of another Republican in the White House—for the sake of the lgbt community and the country at large.

Steve Smith: Hitting the Right Notes at Karaoke

by Steve Charing


There are no American Idol-style judges. Nobody gets booted off the show. No one is forced to embarrass him or herself unless it’s by choice. Yet Friday night Karaoke at the Hippo has become a fun tradition for several years.

Led by the self-described “Barbra Streisand stalker,” Steve Smith of Arbutus, this good-old-fashioned Karaoke party has enjoyed a successful run. The dim lighting in the Club Hippo’s Video Bar plus the small stage that stands in front of spread out cocktail tables provide a nostalgic cabaret atmosphere.

Over the years, there have been great and not-so great performers. But no matter the level of talent, everybody comes to Karaoke to have a good time, unwinding from a week of work. They come to sing and/or hear others entertain while sipping cocktails. They sing along to the lyrics of songs that are displayed all over the walls and screens that encircle the room. It’s high energy and good times. And the emcee, Steve Smith, is as integral a reason for the success as anything else.

“He’s makes [Karaoke] a lot of fun,” says Alan from Baltimore who has been a regular for at least two years and enjoys the atmosphere. “Steve is very funny behind the mic and keeps the show moving at a good pace.” Adds Gary of Baltimore who is a long-time regular at Karaoke, “I like the way he makes the show for the crowd. He does it for them, not just for him.”

Indeed, Steve separates himself from others who have performed similar roles in Karaoke. While many Karaoke emcees are in full drag or dominate the stage during the performances by cutting in to sing along with the performer or otherwise focus the attention on themselves, Steve has the knack of letting the vocalist singularly relish the spotlight.

Steve, who is by day a bartender at Outback Steakhouse, simply introduces each singer and applauds upon the song’s conclusion regardless of the quality of the rendition. His wit plays well during the transitional moments between numbers, which keeps the energy level up and the pace steady. “He is friendly and wants to keep the regulars happy,” says Rachel from Towson who has been a patron of Karaoke at the Hippo for six months and a frequent singer on the stage.

Although the show is billed as “Carol and Friends,” referring to another one of Steve’s heroines, Carol Burnett, he does not do the show in drag. He does, however, dress up as Carol, in particular the character Eunice, on Halloween.

Steve will sing a couple of numbers himself as part of the show. Though no one will mistake him for Josh Groban, Steve is a serviceable vocalist who radiates warmth and passion as he performs.

He was never trained classically, but all of his music education came from the television, radio and his record player. While his brother was listening to Kiss, Zeppelin and the Stones, his sister was listening to Barry Manilow and the Beatles. But it was his parents’ collection that held his interest. “Dionne Warwick, Vikki Carr, and of course, Streisand. These women sang! I wanted to do that,” he explains.

“There is a lot of angst growing up gay,” says Steve. “But when I heard these bombastic voices that could turn to a gentle caressing whisper, none of the angst was there. Then the first time I tried to sing with them, I didn't know or care if it was good or bad, but it was the most comfortable liberating thing I had ever done. There was something therapeutic about releasing all my emotions through song.”

He never really sang too much around people when he was younger. Steve says he was very shy and continues to be so to a degree, but he felt liberated by Karaoke.

“The first time I sang Karaoke was the same place I work for now,” Steve says. “Many years ago when Mary Costello was the hostess, I got up the nerve and did it. It was really bad, but it felt really good. It was a new beginning of sorts. I was at the end of a painful separation and trying to get my bearings again. Although singing didn't fix all my problems, the joy I got from it put them more into perspective.”

He has been running Karaoke at the Hippo for just over two years. Hippo owner Chuck Bowers told OUTloud that he “considers ‘Carol’ (Steve) to be an asset to the community with his energy, personality and talent.”

Born and raised in South Baltimore, Steve’s childhood was fun and filled with the normal activities, such as sports and games. “I found myself to be the happiest however, when I was doing something musical,” he says. “My family loved music—all kinds. My grandmother and uncle were a nightclub act: he played the sax and she sang in a beautiful soprano voice. As a matter of fact my grandmother introduced the great song ‘My Buddy’ to Baltimore radio. She sang on radio many times.”

Steve adds, “My mother and father were jitterbug champions and my mother was a dancer on the Buddy Deane show, she sang with the Maryland State Choir. Music was always there.”

He carries this background and desire to entertain to the stage. He is humble and grateful that Hippo owner Chuck Bowers afforded him the opportunity to do his thing.

“My show is at times a reflection of myself,” Steve points out. “Sometimes disheveled, but with a single purpose of creating fun and happiness through music. You don't have to be a great singer to sing at my show. You can be horrible, and I'll still applaud you. My show is fun and all-inclusive.

“Come enjoy the cathartic experience of singing your song,” he implores. “Whatever song it is, sing it strong, proud and loud! Music is everyone's gift to enjoy!”

And Steve Smith, er Carol, will make it fun.

Marching With a Message

By Steve Charing

As polls indicate, the movement towards lgbt equality is making progress. Folks across America are less likely to want to discriminate against gays and lesbians than ever before.

To be sure, we had endured a setback during the bludgeoning that gays and lesbians received by Republicans during the "gay marriage" fear mongering diatribes of the 2004 presidential campaign. We were also stifled in Maryland, albeit temporarily, by the Court of Appeals ruling that failed to legalize same-sex marriage.

But with the historic passage of ENDA—the Employment Non-Discrimination Act— by the House of Representatives and the fact that more and more corporations, localities and universities are providing domestic partner benefits and other similar recognition, we may have slowly turned the corner.

Much of this progress is attributable to educating a population who is ignorant of the issues or has a prejudicial attitude against lgbt people. Their comfort zones are rife with stereotypes, or they have a personal need to look down upon others as a way to gain self-esteem and stature, or they are beholden to archaic religious beliefs that are nourished by cherry picking Scripture as a convenience.

While the prospects of changing the hearts and minds of this recalcitrant population may appear daunting on the surface, the only way to achieve success is to do the hard work and educate, if necessary, one person at a time.

Some of this is accomplished through the ever-increasing number of lgbt folks who are coming out. Family members, neighbors, friends and co-workers who know of a lgbt person are far less likely to want this person harmed politically or otherwise. The more progressive mindset of America’s youth is also a big plus.

LGBT organizations that have proliferated over the past few decades have been helpful in this regard as many have "education" components. Their websites combined with the popularity of the Internet have also been effective tools.

Another good way is for organizations to have a visible presence in the community. As an example, we in the Columbia/Howard County chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), of which I am proud to be their media coordinator, are aggressively pursuing all avenues to meet with the community and discuss our issues.

At one time, PFLAG was seen as an organization that primarily supports parents and families of gay children. Over the years it has evolved to include lgbt members as well. The lgbt’ers are bolstering the organization’s efforts in carrying out the three main components of PFLAG: Support, Education and Advocacy.

Clearly, PFLAG is not JUST for parents anymore.

These lgbt members, including the chapter’s successful Rainbow Youth Alliance, have linked with the dedicated parents to create a strong organization and one that has been adept in gaining visibility with an eye towards delivering our message. Yes, PFLAG always marches with our brothers and sisters at Gay Pride parades, and have done so for 35 years.

But it has found traction in creating additional ways to get our message out to the straight community—the large portion of the population that is critical to our success in achieving equality.

In just the past month alone, the chapter has staffed booths in a neighborhood fair, at the Howard County government’s diversity fair and the heavily attended 50+ EXPO. Then a combination of three parents and two gay men presented our stories to over 20 employees of Landmark Publications—the company that publishes the Carroll County Times and the Community Times.

At this meeting the parents discussed their journey from first learning their child was gay to the point where they are giving support to other parents and advocating for equal rights. The gay men pointed out careless words used by the media, such as "sexual preference" instead of "sexual orientation." They spoke of how the mainstream media’s use of "gay agenda," "gay lifestyle" and "sanctity of marriage" can be misleading and harmful.

Two gay men and a lesbian from the chapter presented information about the chapter’s Rainbow Youth Alliance to a couple of dozen service organizations at a Youth Development Coalition meeting in Columbia. Through networking they discovered a lack of programs that deal specifically with lgbt students in the public school system, and hopefully this dialogue can increase awareness of these needs and address them accordingly.

In an effort to reach out to the African-American community, the chapter recently held a historic and well-received forum titled "Black and Gay." At this event six African-American gay men and a lesbian shared their experiences in battling racism and homophobia to succeed in their lives and be in a position to help others.

And the work of the chapter in fighting for civil rights and providing support was affirmed recently in a public ceremony as the chapter’s chairperson, Colette Roberts, received an award from the Howard County Human Rights Commission.

With these efforts and many more to come, PFLAG-Howard County is providing a model for other grass roots organizations to reach out to their communities and alleviate the fears about gays that still percolate. The value of putting faces on these issues cannot be understated. In the process, the chapter is seeking to attract enlightened straight allies to our causes, which hopefully will reap significant political benefits.

This organization is aggressively looking for opportunities to make our case—whether it is with government officials, members of the school board, colleges and the private sector. Already, much has been accomplished in Howard County thanks to the work of the chapter’s Steering and Advocacy committees.

PFLAG will always march in the parades. But with the focus on getting our message out, we hope to have more marchers, gay and straight, line up behind our banner as we march towards full equality. For more information about the chapter, visit their website.